Wednesday, July 9

Long Time No Write

Okay first off appologies for not updating recently. Now to catch you all up on life.

THE WEDDING went off without a hitch, only a few bridezilla moments but nothing major and everyone had a blast. Glad it's over with and life can go back to normal. Have to say the best part was that I actually liked the bridesmaid dress and felt it looked good! It was nice to visit with so many of our family, everyone was looking pretty good!

My motorcycle lessons went well but I failed the test due to extreme nerves :( but that's okay I'm going to practice lots with Armin this summer and tackle the test in a little while, maybe find someplace where they do a road test not a parking lot skills test. I even have a scar already from the course when I laid the bike down thankfully I wasn't hurt and it was just a little bike.

The big news and the reason I haven't post much is that I've been spending a lot of time at the doctor's this spring. I finally decided that it was time to go see someone about the way I've been feeling, especially when it started to impact my work. Turns out I have depression, something I've long suspected and ignored trying to deal with it on my own. I'm now seeing a counsellor and I'm trying out some anti-depressents. So far this has really helped and I'm feeling much better-more energy, more positive thoughts, sleeping better and no more panic attacks! I feel really dumb for not getting help sooner and now owe people a lot of appologies for all the times I've bailed on things because I "wasn't feeling up to it" and a lot of thanks for sticking around while I haven't been a very good friend/daughter/sister/family member.

Armin and I have decided to get back into the swing of church shopping, this seemingly never ending and frustrating process has taken it's toll on us and we've swung through all sorts of extremes. Through lots of discussion we've decided what we'd like in a church, what we want for our hypothetical kids, and now we're off to find this mythical church...hopefully within a reasonable distance of our place :D or we may just find someplace we can settle on for now.

We've purchased our airline tickets to London for Nov/Dec and are starting to plan out our European adventure. We're going to hit London, Paris and Germany allowing lots of time for visiting with Armin's family. I think the most exciting part is that Armin will get to spend his 30th birthday in Germany. We will be home for Christmas with pictures and souveniers in tow. We even purchased a new camera, a digital Canon XTI with the regular lens and we splurged on the telephoto lens. We're still playing with it but so far it is everything we wanted!

Well I work today and I haven't even done my hair yet so I better run!

Tuesday, April 29

Yeah for warm weather!!

Okay so I'm now two days for two of being able to drive home with the top down and it's great! I love the looks I get, I love the feel of the wind in my hair and pumping the tunes out into the air. Last week I was crippled with a horrible headache and missed three days of work so I did a lot of reading. I read the whole Lauraine Snelling Red River/Blessing series, not great literature but not bad for those Christian historical romancey things. It was light on the romance but heavy on the character development which made me happy. I'm really excited because the library has purchased Barbarella and I've got it at home here to watch! I remember this movie from a sleepover when I was 12ish, we rented it and Tremors (both of which I'm pretty sure two 12 year old without parents shouldn't have been able to rent) and we watched them and thought we were soo cool and totally giggled through all the adult content. Somehow I don't know if the movie will live up to the memory they seldom do.

The long awaited wedding shower happened on Friday and went off pretty well, not as well orgainized as I'd normally like but no one but me noticed. The bride enjoyed it, the chocolate martini's were a hit with everyone that tried them (even my grandma) and you can't go wrong with chocolate fondue. So all that stress was really for naught.

Armin's been feeling poorly, but well enough he got bored and decided to fiddle with the truck, stupid boy, so I'm going to go tell him to go back to watching TV. Bye!

Tuesday, April 8

Spring maybe?

Okay so you buy a convertible and then spend the next 3 months just waiting until you ccan take the top down. So friday I thought "man it's nice I can just about justify putting the top down even if I might have to keep the heat on" and then it started to snow. Guess that shows me who's boss and it's not me. On a side note
rear wheel drive + fresh snow + new standard driver = pretty hairy drive to work

So things have settled down with the shower but now it looks like the bridesmaid dresses have gone AWOL so the next crisis is arising but I'm just trying to stay out of the line of fire on this one because I just can not take anymore stress. I realized this as I'm picking a fight at midnight with DH over nothing much that I've reached massive stress overload and I'm not sure how that's happened. I've cut back on anything except work and time with family and friends and the occasional card making evening. No volunteer boards, no church stuff, no sport teams ...nothing. So how the heck could I be stressed out, perhaps it's the effect of being full time for the first time in like forever and having to learn how to balance an erratic work schedule, housework and the downtime I require to keep me sane and still feel like I see people I like (as opposed to the hoards of people I help at the library who while nice enough aren't my people). I'm going to have to work on this and get things in line or head back into therapy again.

Today I had the surreal experiance of helping this guy get a library card and him asking if he really could take 40 cds out and watching him gleefully pick out his picks, then realizing as I'm checking out his material for him that he might just be as wildly diverse in his music taste as I am. In the stack was my favorite gregorian chant album, the new akon cd which I love, the miseducation of lauryn hill cd always good, some of my favorite opera albums, some great rock cds and enough dance music to mix it up. If he'd thrown in a few bollywood soundtracks you'd pretty much have my current mp3 player mix. Weirdness I thought I was the only person who was that random.

While I'm chatting about music let me plug my new favorite soundtrack. The Juno movie soundtrack is amazing (so totally check it out) and I'm now trying to convince DH to go to the movie with me, I may get him to go by telling him it's either that, The Other Boleyn Girl or Sex and the City.

Since my last post our dear kitty KD passed away (he's the lovely cat in my blog pic keeping my books warm) so it's been a tough couple of weeks for us and for our remaining cat. The dog hasn't noticed but he's had a tough early spring here by developing an apparent allergy. The vet said he's "allergic to spring". How can you be allergic to a season? So now the he's on doggie claritin which he hates taking and keeps finding ways to foil DH's plans to disguise it. So far he's licked all the peanut butter off the bread and left the pill behind, ate the sausage then promptly threw up the pill, ate the cracker and bbq sauce and somehow sorted the pill out from it and left it behind and I'm just waiting for the next adventure.

Well I should post more often and then maybe these wouldn't get so long. (yeah right) Bed is calling so night!

Friday, March 14

Midlife crisis

Appologies up front but this is going to be a rambling post, just one of those nights.

I think I'm having a mid life crisis (despite the fact that I hope I'm nowhere near midlife). I bought a sports car I can't drive and a motorcycle I can't drive. My theme this spring is "yes I'm coming up on 30 and in driving lessons at the AMA". Actually despite the driving lessons and my discouragement with how hard I'm finding driving stick to be, I'm really pleased with my new purchases. I like fast cars and I've always wanted a motorcycle so to get both this spring is a big exciting leap for me. I've come to the realization that despite the pressure to have kids I'm just not ready. Nothing about kids excites me right now. I think kids are cute and I enjoy working with them at the library but I'm glad to be selfish right now and enjoy my freedom. DH and I are also saving for our trip to Europe this fall and I'm really looking forward to it. Things have been chaotic at work and will continue to be so until we finally get into the new building (sometime this summer) then the fun of tons of people coming just to see the new branch begins, so a vacation will be inorder for this fall.

Back to the midlife crisis, I think I'm just in a space where I'm trying to find me again. For so long I was really tied up with my church work and friends and got sucked into a vortex where I got lost, combine that with getting married before 20 and working hard to make that we work and I think I lost me. I mean I turned into a car girl without even noticing and it's been longer than I care to admit since I worked on my poetry. At work they call me little miss sunshine and that just bugs the heck out of me just because I don't walk around angst filled and angry, taking it out on everyone around me doesn't mean I don't have pain but I've gotten so good at hiding the real me behind the facade society demands. Why is it that the only socially correct answer to "how you doing?" is "fine"? Try answering anything else and watch everyone's reaction it's actually quite funny. Add to this the fact most of my so called friends are too busy to find time to spend with me but that my work schedule is so demanding and erratic I can't even take a course or get involved in a club to meet new people which just means I'm feeling very isolated. I think I've had longer conversations with my cat lately than with anyone meaningful. Even DH has been preoccupied with stuff lately (namely guitar hero) and has been unavailable for deep discussions. Sigh oh well I make it sound like my life sucks but everything points to the contrary maybe I'm just suffering from what my mom calls old cow syndrome-the grass is always greener on the other side. Maybe I should look at what I'm thankful for:

1. Things have settled down with the wedding shower turns out wires got crossed and mom was told we were doing the sex toy party for the shower instead of the stagette. Like I'd do a sex toy party at an event my Grandmother was going to that is so wrong. Hopefully I can stay out of the fray for future wedding inspired blowups.

2. Driving Lessons are coming along and soon will be done and then I get to enjoy driving my new car and motorcycle.

3. My job is great, been stressful lately but it's still great and the new assistant manager looks to be a good guy.

4. New scrapbooking stuff-discovered a fabulous new scrapbook store on my way to and from work so I've been quietly stocking up :-) I've also been enjoying ebay shopping for scrapbook stuff. Now I should actually work on an album with all the cool stuff I've bought.

5. DH- he really is the best because after I cried on his shoulder last night he took me out for supper tonight and spent a lot of time just listening to what I was thinking and feeling. He also wins the award for patience while he's been helping me practice driving stick and for knowing that sometimes ice cream does solve everything.

That's a much more positive way to end this post!


Tuesday, February 12

Aargh Mothers!!!

Why is it that the relationship between my mother and I can never be easy. She's totally pissed off at me and I'm not even sure why exactly. I do know she doesn't like the shower I've got planned for my sister for her wedding, but really it's not about her. The shower is at a time and with a theme that suits the bride, isn't that what matters?

I just don't get it, I get blasted for trying to do my best for my sister and yeah I know that a Friday evening shower isn't typical but the bride works weekends and had asked if we could work around her schedule so she didn't have to take too much time off work. Also since it is a Friday and evening we thought it would be nice to offer wine and chocolate martini's in addition to punch and tea so that means we can't have the shower at the church, so instead I offered my place. I know our place isn't huge but really if we take out the dining room table we can double the area for guest seating, and if the location bothered my mom soo much instead of going on a rampage telling me how sucky this shower idea was she could have offered her place but silly me.

I'm really upset and I hope this doesn't ruin my sister's shower. Mom did have a valid point that for my elderly great aunts and my grandmother who don't like to drive at night or don't drive the location is difficult but I had already thought about that and was going to ask some of the cousins or my DH to do some chauffering. But I didn't even get a chance to say anything. So now Mom's not talking to me and she's said she's going to plan her own shower for all the people I'm inconvenincing with my selfishness. I am so frustrated and upset that she's being this way, I mean it's just a wedding shower we're going to sit in a room, make small talk, eat some sweets, maybe play a stupid game and watch the bride open presents all of which can happen on a Friday night at my house just as well as a Sunday afternoon at the church.

Good thing she isn't involved in the bachellorette party and those plans are going smoothly and my sister has picked awesome bridesmaids who've been amazing about helping get this stuff organized.

I'm back to work so I'll go calm down


Thursday, January 24

The cops arrive and so do the blahs

Okay this weekend was crazy and then I got a bad case of the winter blahs so I haven't posted yet this week.
Saturday the phone rings and it's DH's friend coming into town, so we plan on dinner and get back to house cleaning. We go out for dinner bringing another of DH's friends with us so its me and the three boys. During dinner talk turns to drinking and we end up at Ezzie's our old haunt (site of DH and I's original hookup). 1 drink quickly turns into 5 and that's when I realize that this could be bad. However, sanity prevailed and I sipped my drinks and only did the shots put in front of me. DH and I got tired and tried to convince his friend to head home with us at the respectable hour of 1am but he wanted to stay and drink till they closed. So we walked home, took his keys told him our side door would be open and to let himself in. We get home order some pizza and shortly after our phone rings. It's the police asking us if we'll claim our friend and what our address is. Apparently he'd gotten lost, someone reported a drunk man stumbling around and the police picked him up. So for the first time we had the police at our house. It was deeply exciting and is going to be one of my favorite memories. However Sunday afternoon is a close second with the boys both napping and snoring with the dog and our cat joining in. I'm sure glad we finished the basement and I could retreat down there and watch a movie in peace and quiet.

The rest of the weeks been fairly quiet, I'm fighting the winter blahs and that means all I want to do is sleep most of the time. I'm glad I have work to drag me out of bed and work was busy this week. I went in to a school and did a preschool visit one of my favorite things. It was great I've been going every 6 weeks to this am and pm class and they remembered my name this time and we're excited to see me. I got some pics of me reading to the kids and I'll post them when I get home and scan them in. I also went to one of the big branches to do a reference desk job shadow which mainly meant I got to go spend the afternoon there getting some tours and sitting at the desk chatting with their staff :-) I did answer a few questions and enjoyed my time seeing how a "big" branch works, especially since once our new location opens we'll be the "big" branch.

Okay I should get some work done, it's pretty quiet here but still they are paying me to work not chat with you all. I'll post more later.


Saturday, January 19

Nymphos and Michael Buble

Well DH is a happy man, I kinda lost most of my voice at the Michael Buble concert so it's been a quiet couple days. The concert was amazing, MB is a great performer and he stages a good show. I imagine this was what it would be like to go to a vegas crooner show during the heyday. Lots of good songs but he also works the crowd with lots of chat and flirting. He's not much of a dancer but somehow he makes it work. The musicians touring with him as his band were very talented too and I was very impressed. The opening act was also amazing Naturally 7 was their name and they do vocal play. It's hard to explain but they do the whole song (percussion, guitar, organ etc.) but all vocally no instruments and man can they sing. My mom developed a total crush on one of them and I have to agree he was one fine looking man ;)

In the post concert quiet I finished The Nymphos of Rocky Flats and man I couldn't believe it the book was excellent. The plot was exciting, took some good twists I didn't expect and wasn't trashy at all. In fact it was just a very well written adventure mystery story with some very cool characters. I'm going to have to find the authors other 2 books I enjoyed this one so much. The characters were so believable and it looks like the main character is in the other 2 books so I'm excited to see more of him. You wouldn't believe it but it didn't have any sex scenes just some suggestive scenese and the main character only got involved with one female and she wasn't even one of the nympos I was totally shocked.

I also read Catherine Coulter's new book Wizard's Daughter in her Bride series and it was horrible; I only finished it by bribing myself. She normally writes a nice historical romance nothing special but usually funny and nice strong female lead. This one sucked, the characters were flat one dimensional and I had the plot figured out from about page 10. She also took this into the paranormal fantasy range which was completely bizarre and very badly written. All in all it didn't fit with the rest of the series and I don't recommend it. I'm also saddened because the blurb at the back of the book looked like she was going to write a sequel to it.

Well it seems I'm going to have to wait a bit before I get a new car so I'm stuck with Daisy. The speedometer doesn't work, the radiator leaks, she loses oil and she's just a little quirky but I'm stuck with her. At lease DH fixed the brakes, the heat and the doors. I guess I'll just hold out for a while more. Part of the problem is I hate most of the cars that are on the market right now they have absolutely no style and they all look alike. I like the VW bug but it is horribly overpriced even used and has horrible reliablity ratings. I like the mustang but two of my coworkers drive one and I'm not one to follow the crowd. So I'm stuck what I really like is a vintage car but the reliablity is a bit of a problem. I'd love a convertible too which isn't practical at all but as I told DH neither is a motorcycle and he owns 2.

I'll leave you with the story of the day Daisy's door stopped working:
The passenger door wasn't working you could only open it from the inside, the real low point was when the drivers door started doing the same thing. Picture this, me with a bag of books, a backpack and in a dress because I was doing preschool storytime wanting to go home. I go to the drivers door unlock it and pull on it NOTHING so I turn the key the other way again NOTHING so I go to the passenger side same thing happens. I knew it was a long shot but maybe. So there I am staring at my car in consternation, the library is closed, the alarm is set and I don't have a cell phone so I'm unable to call DH for help. Then I look at the back hatch and think okay I can do this. So I open the hatch toss my stuff in and climb in after them, over the back seats and into the front seat while this old gentleman in the car to the left stares at me like I'm insane and I try to maintain my dignity by keeping my skirt modestly in place. Then I have to open the passenger door to get out because even from the inside the drivers door won't open and run to the back and close the hatch, climb back into the passengers side and over the console into the drivers seat.

Gotta run!

Monday, January 14

Nightmare at the Library

Well contrary to what I'd hoped for Saturday was a nightmare at the library. The icing on the cake was the kid puking on the computer and me having to quarantine the area, we're not allowed to clean it, no touching bodily fluids- apparently we're not trained for that. The poor mother wasn't even going to tell us just wipe it up with some paper towels and run. I understand she was embarassed but why wouldn't you say something so someone else didn't sit down at the computer on the chair with puke on it and type on the keyboard that wasn't disinfected. Oh well today wasn't too bad I had lots of off desk time to get all sorts of minor crisis' under control. Important things like seperating the POP SACRE CD's from the CLA SACRE CD's that had intermingled contrary to our strict no touching CD's from other catagories rule no matter that you're all sacred music CD's and then I got to play with the puppets and sort them out into their now expanded puppet condo's. Actually getting to be in charge of the puppets is the best part of my job, think about it they're paying me to play with puppets.

Yesterday was a total waste, I accomplished nothing except a run on my eliptical machine, a good cry through the movie Kal Ho Naa Ho and read a bunch in the bath and living room trying to get rid of my stupid headache, that was it the sum total of my day...nothingness.

Was supposed to go to a nutrition forum this evening but instead DH and I got sidetracked by a "creative discussion". Boys really are stupid but I like the guy so I guess I'm stuck. Oh well we've gotten a little closer to planning for our Europe trip and not going to the forum meant more time to read this evening. I'm on the last book of the Elemental Masters series and this one is giving me a hard time. I don't know what it is but I'm fighting to get through this one, it's a retelling of cinderella (I finally figured that out) but maybe it's the WW1 setting that's giving me a problem. I like history but I have favorite time periods I like to read about and WW1 isn't one of them so that could be influencing my feelings on this one. I'll let you know what I think of it when I get done. I'm eager to get on to the Nympho book so I need to finish this one hopefully tonight.

Well I should go pack up the stuff I have to return to the library tomorrow and finish my book.


Friday, January 11

Funniest Movie Ever

Today was a good day, okay yes I forgot my lunch but it was staff meeting so my boss brought donuts in and Safeway has a great salad bar so I was okay probably shouldn't have eaten the donut but I think the salad balanced it out. It was quiet at the library, someone brought real cream for our coffee or in my case tea and to top it off I had a date! DH and I went to see In the Name of the King and I haven't laughed so hard in ages. I think it was supposed to be serious but man they missed the mark, not that it was bad just not say LOTR quality. It was like the director said, "Okay what does a fantasy epic movie need..elves...check..tough guy who doesn't know his origins...check...okay bases covered now lets add some of those cool matrix effects everyone likes those matrix effects and then decided lets do some fancy editing and overwrought dialogue. Great now we have a movie" It was amazingly bad and good at the same time he couldn't have made a better fantasy parody comedy if he'd tried. I recommend seeing it but like we did with a free pass :) it's better if you don't pay for it.

Then to top this amazing day off it was new paperback day at the library my favorite day of the month. This months offerings were slim lots of yawn and current bestsellers which being the book snob I somehow became I avoid. If Oprah endorsess it I don't read it unless I read it before she endorsed it (it's kinda scary the power she wields over literary reading patterns). This time instead of my usual 10 or so (I restrain myself so everyone else gets some) I only picked up 6, 3 I may return without reading 2 are fluffy romances by authors that are reliable light entertaining reads Catherine Coulter and Mary Balogh and 1 I'm really excited about! The title is The Nymphos of Rocky Flats and I would have picked it up for the title alone but the plot sounds deliciously ridiculous. Man comes home from Iraq as a vampire becomes a PI gets called in to investigate a suspicious outbreak of Nymphomania and finds a secret government plot tied into it with rumours of Rosewell. I mean come on how do you top a plot description like that. I'll let you all know if it lives up to its admitedly high potential.

I've been reading more in the Mercedes Lackey Elemental series and the books I've read have been excellent I've made it through the Gates of Sleep (retelling of Sleeping Beauty with some very interesting twists) and I'm now starting The Serpent's Shadow which is looking to be the best so far. In between I read an excellent teen book A Countess below Stairs by Eva Ibbotson which was a historical novel set just after WW1, the main character is a Russian Countess who flees to England only to become a housemaid. There's a touch of romance with her falling for her employer but the problem is he's engaged to be married to a total nightmare of a girl. The plot wasn't deep or unpredictable but the way the author wrote it was fresh and well researched, and the characters were believable all things I like in a book. I also liked that I could enjoy a historical novel without any throbbing members like in a lot of historical novels with a romance plot, I'll have to plunder the teen collection more often.

Wow you'd think all I'd done lately is read but not really, I've started the New Year with a fresh resolve to be healthy and so I've been spending a lot of time on my eliptical machine watching Meerkat Manor (I highly recommend this show for anyone who likes animals or soap operas). I've also been trying to spend more time with DH which mainly means putting my book down at the table and actually talking to the dude. Yes Mom I know reading at the table is rude and you tried to cure me of it for 18 years but it's hard to put your book down when it's at the good point.

Well it's late I work tomorrow, hopefully it's a quiet Saturday (not likely) but it is the Motorcycle Show this weekend so I have that to look forward to.


Sunday, January 6

The Fire Rose and Making Money

Well it's been nice to take a few days and just relax, play some board games with friends (I really wanted to go out but everyone else claimed old age and wanted to stay in), watch some cheesy movies (I confess I watched High School Musical 1 and 2 on Saturday) and read some excellent books. I made it through The Fire Rose by Mercedes Lackey and Making Money by Terry Pratchett. Both were excellent I could hardly put them down and make an effort to be sociable.

The Fire Rose was a retelling of the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale but it was so well done as to make me forget the original story and just enjoy this story all on it's own. Set during the Industrial Revolution, with a dash of magic added in. The main characters are so well written they come alive and the setting is believable and detailed without slowing the plot down at all. The author allows you to discover the world without long descriptive paragraphs laying everything out like many fantasy authors do. I can't wait to read the rest of the books in this series, I had been procrastinating from this series although I've read pretty much all of Mercedes Lackey's other stuff and should have realisized that an author that could make me love a world with talking magical horses (cheesy sounding I know) wouldn't disappoint with her fairy tale retellings.

On a side note she's also doing a series for the Luna publishing line that is excellent as well, in fact if you like character driven fantasy check out the Luna books. Luna is part of Harlequin but it's female fantasy writers writting books for women fantasy readers usually with a female main character. I didn't have high expectations but so far most of the stuff I've read has been excellent and it's a great place to start reading fantasy if you're new to the genre and find series of 23 books long intimidating.

Making Money is yet another hit in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, I had high expectations and wasn't disapointed one little bit. Starring Moist von Lipwig who is quickly becoming one of my favorite Discworld characters. This time his mission is to over haul Ankh MorPork's banking system and he does it with his usual swift talking, slightly shady flare. I have to say I love Terry Pratchett he's my most recommended author, the books are all funny, have an element of satire and political commentary in them that is very sharp and easy to read. I also love how every book can stand on it's own and be a great book but you can read them all and they interlace and enhance each other as well. Again he's a great author for people new to the fantasy genre who want something on the lighter side.

Well sounds like supper's boiling over (exciting I know) and tonight is more board games and visiting with friends. Happy suprise was that tomorrow's a day off for me so I think I'll get through the Hindi movie I brought home to watch this weekend and ran out of time for and finish getting a Birthday gift together for my Uncle.


Thursday, January 3


Okay so I finally bit the bullet and decided that if everyone else can share their opinions I wanted in. So I took my new years resolutions to stay better in touch with everyone and keep better track of my reading and combined them here into one hopefully fab blog. I'll be posting mini reviews and comments on what I'm reading and what's going on in my world.

The New Year is off to a good start, we rang it in by playing a little poker with friends and somehow the harder I tried to lose, the better I did so I ended up taking the pot (a whopping 30 dollars) which I figure is a good omen for the year to come. I've also been winning on the book front, I just finished reading the Guardian Series by Mary Jo Putney (Kiss of Fate, Stolen Magic and A Distant Magic) they moved quickly weren't too romancey and had some fun plot twists. A Distant Magic is the third book but is easily the best the main characters skip through time to try to put an end to the slave trade in the late 18th century. The historical research was well done and I felt like I learned a lot even while I enjoyed the story. In fact, I'll admit that I was late back from my coffee break at work because I was trying to finish the last few pages. I just couldn't put it down. I'm a little sorry how quickly I got through the series they were just that enjoyable but hopefully there will be more coming.

Well I should hie off to bed, I'm starting to read a so far great book by Mercedes Lackey and I'm eager to get back to it. I'll tell you all about it next time.