Sunday, December 29

A bumpy day

While at the world of science we got a phone call that Grandma had collapsed while grocery shopping and was taken away by ambulance.  After several frantic phone calls we found out that she was a the Royal Alex in the cardiac unit.  After getting the whole story I wanted to share the miraculous things that have resulted in Grandma getting the care she needed to get on the road to recovery.

Grandma says she had been feeling tired the last few days and not quite herself but just thought she was tired from Christmas.  Today after a lazy day she decided that she should go to the grocery store.  So she headed to Sobeys.  Once there she had horrible chest pains and headed to the little coffee shop to sit down.  In the coffee area were several long time friends of hers who noticed she wasn't looking good.  They helped her get seated and when she started to get nauseous brought her a garbage can.  They also went to call an ambulance.  However, luckily there was an ambulance crew stopped right there for some groceries.  Her friends waved the EMTs over who quickly whisked Grandma away for treatment.  The friends then phoned my Aunt and drove Grandma's car home.

In the meantime Aunt Lois called us and we all met up at the Royal Alex where they put a stent in to open up the blocked artery.  She was then stable so they took her to the cardiac unit at the Misercordia hospital for her recovery.  We were able to see her and visit with her once she was settled into a room.  The good news is that she is already feeling better and is looking pretty good.  There will be a lot of tests and they will be watching her pretty closely but she is in a good place with great staff.  She was very lucky.  This happened in a place where she had quick thinking people around her, the medics were right there and she got great care very quickly.  As a family we were given a big scare and reminder of how fragile life is.  I know many people saw my early prayer request and your prayers were greatly appreciated.  Thank you for your support and thank you to all medical staff who have already given Grandma such great care.  

Saturday, November 30

Bah HumBug Day

I'm trying really hard today to not hate Christmas/New Years but I fear I'm losing the battle.  Usually I'm all about this time of year but the last few have been tough. So in an effort to purge the negative I'm sharing the negative here and my idea to counter it.  Maybe someone else is struggling, maybe you have an idea to share, I'd love to hear it.  My goal is to not become the Grinch!

1. Financial Drain- Ok I like getting presents don't get me wrong but it is expensive on a single salary to purchase gifts for every member of my family.  Plus since they all make like 10 times my salary and buy whatever they would like right up to Christmas day it's really hard to decide what to get them.  It's depressing to save for months for Christmas, go shopping pick something small that you think they might like  and then your bank account is empty.  I don't know why I feel this way, maybe it's the empty bank account, maybe it's the fact that half the time I know the person didn't use the item, or maybe it's just that I feel like Christmas should mean more than presents.  I'm just trying to remember it's not about how big the present is or even if they liked it but about that fact that we're together at Christmas.

2. Lack of things to do- So everyone I know is so busy with their families, christmas concerts for their kids, and all the extras Christmas brings they forget that if you don't have a husband and kids this time of year is sucky lonely. It also didn't help that I work a bunch of weekends and so I have to miss out on  my family baking day since the weekend I am available didn't work for them.  I especially am dreading New sucks....that's all...stay home alone, babysit so someone else can go out, be a third wheel at someone else's event....none of these options sound amazing.  To counter this I made myself an activity advent calendar with a special thing to do each day....hopefully it helps.  Doesn't solve the what to do New Years Eve thing but it helps.

3. What to write in the Christmas letter...seriously do you really want a page and a half about my cat's hilarious antics? How about my job? I love it but doubt anyone outside of my work cares about the awesome display I made.  No I don't have cute kid about one of my plant goliath dressed up?  Yeah I thought this year I'm writing a gratitude letter...all the things I'm grateful for it later this month.

Ok that's my rant...I'm purging the negative and going to find some positive.  Tomorrow is tree decorating (yep after 4 years I've finally found the spirit to put up the tree) so it's got to get better.  My shopping is almost done (hahaha) so I don't have to face the malls except to people watch and I have a date with my nephew this week for some winter fun!  Now to dry my tears, degrump and focus on the positive.

Wednesday, November 20

Adulthood that's where it went

My last post generated quite a few comments to me so I wanted to continue my thought.  I asked where did fun go...and I mean that crazy, heady type of fun you experience in your late teens early twenties.  The truth is that adulthood is where it went.  At some point you decide to become a grown up and that means, holding down a job, paying your bills, renting or owning a home and caring about things like credit ratings and laundry.

Work eats up a lot of my time, I'm lucky I like my job, care about what I do and sometimes it is even genuinely fun.  The downside is you have to go, you have to do things you don't always like and sometimes is is genuinely hard work.

Then there is housework.  The upside of work is income which means you now get to own things.  The downside of owning things is you have to take care of them.  For every outfit you own you will need to clean it.  That comfy sofa needs to be cleaned occasionally.  The plants need water, the cat needs food. Feed the cat enough and you'll get to clean his litter box.  The alternative is to not own things and I've been trying to downsize.  There are lots of people living with radically small amounts of things and I appreciate them but just can't seem to get there.  So I've chosen the housework route.

Then there is money.  You need it.  I work hard to cover rent on my fairly modest place, to pay my bills, and buy a few things to spoil myself, my family and friends.  My budget could be tighter and I have made some choices like not having a roommate that up my need for money.  So I need to work for my money and so I value it so running out and spending a whole bunch of silly things suddenly isn't as appealing.

Finally is family and friends.  As I get older I realize I value time with my family more so rather than go out dancing I choose to visit my grandma for tea.  Part of this gets tied up with my friends having kids too. When I am available and have an evening off they are busy putting little guys to bed and forced to choose between sleep or paying a babysitter.  I don't blame them for choosing their beds :) I choose mine most times too.

So suddenly it makes sense why life isn't as "fun" as it used to be.  So maybe I just need to redefine what is fun?

Sunday, November 17

Where did the fun go?

When did life stop being fun? It seems like endless rounds of work, house cleaning, have to dos and brief catch up with friends who have become strangers. Don't get me wrong I love my job a lot.  My friends are great people they just happen to be very busy parents living a very different life than me.  The housework I could do without but that would be gross.

What's missing is the fun.  The friday night go out for drinks and dancing.  The excuse to get dressed up.  The adventure of not being sure where you might end up. Of who you might meet.

How do you reclaim that? is it something that gets lost when you get older? maybe this is why I run away or get itchy feet? What is it that I'm looking for?

Sometimes I just want to feel something that isn't just nostalgia.  That butterflies in the tummy feeling.  The I can't wait to get there feeling.  The I'm special to someone special feeling.

It's worse tonight because I opened the box I shared some of my writing and in doing so opened the door to memories and questions.  It was a good experience sharing my writing and there is not as much pain in sharing the memories there are lots of good feelings.  The pain comes in realizing how empty my life now is. I can fill it with work, studies, classes, family and friends but there is still an emptiness.  I'd love to find a special someone but I must say dating in the internet age is difficult.  It is discouraging and demoralizing.  Somehow you feel judged and rejected and no one even sent you a message.  well it is super late (Bad me) so I'll write more about dating adventures next time.

Sunday, June 3

A Quiet Weekend

It was a very quiet weekend for me, I watched some movies, read some books and did nothing beyond a little housework.  It actually was pretty nice to be lazy, as the week gets started again I'll be busy with school work but we're over the halfway point.  Time to start working on some papers and final presentations.  I can't believe that in a few weeks I'll be done and have two months off.  I've offered to housesit for my parents for a few weeks of that but I'm not sure what I want to do with the rest.  I'll meet in the next week or two with my cooperating teacher for the fall and then I'll know when I need to be back to school with them.  I'm excited and nervous about spending the fall/winter in kindergarten.  I'm glad that I'll have an experienced teacher to help guide me as I head into this new adventure.

I've been doing a little searching and I could teach in the UK, in fact with a few shots and a pet passport even tybalt could come with me.  I'll put my application in to the grad studies program but part of me wouldn't mind spending a year or two teaching abroad.  I'm a little torn about it but I think I'll end up in Edmonton.  However, my feet are itchy to travel.  I've been in one place too long, I guess.  Part of why I'm willing to go abroad now is that while I'd miss my family lots there's not much here for me.  I'm realizing I can't just go back to my old life because it doesn't fit anymore.  Everyone moved on, including me and I can't pretend nothing changed.