Monday, May 31

Soapy Thoughts

Tonight I relaxed with a bath; part of my new bedtime routine to help me sort out my sleep patterns and I realized that when I move I will lose my favorite possession my superduper bathtub :( I'm still trying to figure out a way to move it but I think alas it will stay with the house. My thoughts tonight were random and as light as soap bubbles and I thought it was time for a bit of laughter.

Thought #1: Another of my great aunts passed away but my main thought tonight was what to wear to the funeral that my cousins hadn't already seen...then I realized that I had seen more of my cousins this last year than the previous 3 combined....but mostly for sad things so then I started trying to plot out happier occasions we could get together for....which mainly boils down to weddings and baby then I was trying to figure out who would be next for both of those occasions so I could "pressure" them into moving along on that....hehehehehehe....I love an excuse to match-make and it's fun cuz I'm out of the baby race...

Thought #2: Today I was at the dollar store and my friend extolled the benefits of a tongue scrapper to me....this isn't the first time we've had that I'm wondering if this was her subtle way of telling me I had bad I'm sitting here trying to smell my own breath....and cursing the fact that I don't have A here to just ask....and now wondering who to ask those ridiculous and awkward questions to...I mean really which of my friends or family members gets to be the person I ask the "do I look fat?" or "do I have lettuce in my teeth?" or "does my breath stink?" questions too....still trying to decide who the lucky person is but could someone comment on this post and let me know....Does my breath stink??

Thought #3 I just realized that every-time I take a bath my one cat Tybalt climbs into the sink and sits/lays in there while I'm in the tub which is amusing...then I realized he gets out when I get out of the tub....then I realized he's imitating me....OMG funny....OMG is imitation still the sincerest form of flattery when it's your cat imitating you....and does this mean I take too many baths....also is it weird that it doesn't bother me to have the cat sit in the sink while I take a bath?? Comments welcome to this question too

See no deep thoughts tonight just some light laughs and an encouragement to post a comment. All commenters will be entered into a special prize draw...yep that's right...comment on this post and I will give you a chance to win a prize. Why? Because you were willing to read my thoughts and I'm guessing it isn't the first time and I appreciate my quiet following. It's easy to comment just click on the pencil icon under this post and write away. I love hearing other's thoughts too :D The prize isn't quite finished yet but once it is I'll dig out my camera and take some shots of it and post it for you to see.

Keep Smiling!

Tuesday, May 18

Ups and Downs

Well I'm settling back in nicely and well mostly spending my days procrastinating with bouts of packing and painting. I have my courses all lined up for the fall term and got the great news that I will only be doing 3 years to finish my B.Ed in Early Childhood Education. Now I'm beginning to look for a place to rent in Regina and figure out things for moving.

Selling the house is bittersweet but necessary. It sort of mocks me with memories of happier times and it seems that everything decided to break this last year because now the dryer gave out and I'll be replacing it. So now my goal in selling is to make back all that I've had to spend on the dumb house, luckily it's not a race to sell situation so I can set my price and wait for it to sell. Although for a buyer this place is good since I've put a lot of work into it and things have been fixed. However, it's been home for so long it's hard to imagine being somewhere else. The constant chaos is really disturbing the cats and being cats they let you know in kind of gross ways.

I've been catching up on my favorite TV shows and for someone who gave up TV for a couple of years I'm enjoying several shows. Dr. Who is off to another great start for a season, and I love Glee, Big Bang Theory and How I Met your Mother. For some reason I'm really into mystery programs right now Law and Order, Bones, NCIS, bring it on if there's a dead body. I'm eagerly awaiting the next season of True Blood and Tudors. This TV watching has shown me that I like nerdy guys...who do I have crushes on? The new Doctor, Leonard, Will Schuster, Indiana Jones, etc. forget the bad boy this girl likes a guy with brains....although I'm realistic enough to know that these are just actors and I don't have a chance but hey may as well enjoy what you watch.

Sleep seems to be elusive, at least at decent hours but I'm working on it. Hopefully cutting out all caffinated beverages and my no sleep in policy will help. Also I'm not allowed to blog at late night anymore because I become quite the negative nelly. There's so much to be thankful for and I need to focus on that instead of dwelling on small annoyances and at 3am the small annoyances turn into giant mountains of negativity.

Sleep well!

Saturday, May 15

Old Cow Syndrome

I suffer from Old Cow Syndrome and I'm sure I'm not alone. What is it? Well it's another way of saying the grass is greener on the other side. It's a real struggle, when I was married I envied my single friends their freedom to pick up and go and thought about how it would be nice to be able to go to school and travel if I wanted. Well now I get to live that life and now I'm looking back over the fence thinking of how nice it was on the other side. I mean really how perverse are we as human beings no matter what we have it seems it's hard to be content.

It isn't just marriage, this is the part of us that says you need a new pair of shoes, that keeps us buying new cars, new tech, and new clothes. It is so prevalent that consumer culture is built on it and it's not unique to North America, we just are financially able to take it to all new extremes. I mean the other day I was filling out a survey and listed under hobbies was Shopping. When did shopping become a hobby? I suspect if you looked at my life you might think shopping is one of my hobbies.

How do you fight this tendency? Do we need to? Is it sinful? I have lots of questions but no answers.

Things I want to do

Right now I want to go dancing, but it's hard to do that alone....sigh....and apparently my friends are all too grown up. I want to know who makes these rules and why I haven't apparently gotten the memo. Other things I miss, getting together with friends on a friday night to just hang out maybe play games but apparently once you've found your s.o. you don't do that anymore. Really?? I remember having a s.o. and hanging out. I miss sending out an email to go to a movie and piling a bunch of people into a car and going, sure beats going alone. I miss going to concerts with a group of people, last concert I went to I took my parents...I know...PATHETIC but at least they were willing to go who's really the pathetic one.

I'm learning how much it sucks to be single in a group of couples. Maybe it's good I'm going away to school cuz right now I just really beginning to resent my friends. It's not their fault apparently they're too grown up for fun activities. At least in Regina I won't expect them to actually do things with me. So what should I do? Well I go to the movies alone, I'm booking tickets to the concerts I'm interested in and screw it if no one goes with me then fine, but dancing is harder but maybe I'll go by myself. I don't care if that means I'm not a grown up being a grown up is no fun.

If I don't do it alone, I'll be doing what I've been doing for the past year sitting home alone, sending out invites that people are too busy or grown up or tired to accept and getting more and more upset about my isolation.

This is a little bitter sounding and maybe that's because I was thinking tonight how much fun it would be to celebrate my birthday (a little late) by getting dressed up, getting a great group of people together and going out for a few drinks and some dancing. Then I realized that I'd be lucky to get a few of my siblings to show up and they kind of have to since they're family (although I know they enjoy going out with me and so that's why they're there) so I decided not to bother. Easier to not bother than be disappointed yet again, I want to see the good in my friends and not be upset with them. They are good people and have stuck by me for a long time and they have big hearts. The hurt I feel is my own and I can't blame them for being busy with their lives and families. I'm sure there were many times Armin and I did the same, it's easy to get busy and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be home with your loved ones. I just remember the fun we used to have but time moves on and I guess that means letting go of some things even if you're not ready for it.

Sunday, May 9


Why is it a bad thing to be a Pollyanna? Why is it considered good to complain about things but if you choose to be positive you are considered a freak or accused of being in-genuine?

The truth is that most of the time I do see the good in things. It's raining that's a good thing, why complain about something the earth needs and will pass away if you wait. I trip or stumble well I just choose to laugh about my clumsiness. I deal with a difficult person I try to keep perspective it's one person out of the thousands I interact with each week and I think I don't know why they're negative. Sometimes I do play the "glad game" and search for new ways to think of things that might be considered negative. I figure it's better to look for a bright side then just complain about the negative.

This last year this has been a blessing. No it wasn't good that Armin died but I choose to be positive and I choose to be thankful and look for the blessings that have come to me out of this tragedy and out of our life together. It's important to note that word CHOOSE everyday I have a choice do I wallow in misery or get up and look for the good this new day brings.

This also applies to my faith I could curse God for what has happened or I can choose to praise God for the good that is in my life and for his continued strength and blessings he pours out on me. I was reminded of this in the song "Blessed be your Name" which came on while I was driving home. For worship I'm pretty traditional but I like praise and worship music while I drive. I'm including the lyrics but the phrase that resonated with me tonight was "you give and take away and still I choose to say blessed be your name". It inspired me to encourage you to look for the positive and see the blessings to CHOOSE to be different. Join me and the other Pollyanna's we're not being fake- we are happy and we do see things differently and it's a good place to be. Make Monday your glad day and choose positivity, it's contagious, you'll see.

Blessed Be Your Name
 In the land that is plentiful 
Where Your streams of abundance flow 
Blessed be Your name  
Blessed Be Your name 
When I'm found in the desert place 
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name  
Every blessing 
You pour out 
I'll turn back to praise 
When the darkness closes in, 
Lord Still I will say  
Blessed be the name of the Lord
 Blessed be Your name
 Blessed be the name of the Lord 
Blessed be Your glorious name  
Blessed be Your name 
When the sun's shining down on me 
When the world's 'all as it should be'
 Blessed be Your name  
Blessed be Your name 
On the road marked with suffering 
Though there's pain in the offering 
Blessed be Your name     
 You give and take away 
You give and take away 
My heart will choose to say 
Lord, blessed be Your name

Thursday, May 6

Scotland, Warwick Castle, Stratford on Avon and Oxford

Settling Back In

Well the worst of the Jet Lag is behind me and I've been busy settling back in. It's strange but suddenly my life feels like it fits. I'm officially enrolled at the University of Regina and once I talk to my academic advisor I'll have my courses lined up. I've been checking for places to rent in Regina, getting the house organized and cleaned for sale, and all the other things you need to do when you've been gone for 3 months. I've spent time with friends and family with lots more planned in the weeks ahead. It's nice to be home!

If you want to see my photos and have tea with me someday just let me know, you'll be glad to hear that out of 3000 photos my photo slideshow is only 300 pictures long. Of course if you want to see the rest of the shots I'm happy to oblige just book a day off to come over. :D

The cats survived well without me and have now forgiven me for going away. How did I know I was forgiven? They joined me in the shower looking for attention. I think I have the only cats in the world that don't mind getting wet and will come into the shower if you forget to close the door tight. WEIRDOS!!

While traveling was great and I'm still processing all the things I've seen and done; it is fabulous to be home. Even if it's just home for 3 more months. August is moving month and then I start school Sept 8th. I'm debating about going for orientation on the 7th. I'm hopeful I don't have to take Math 100 but there's still a chance I'll have to :( it's not that I suck at math but it's been a LONG time since I did any higher level math.

Like I said I feel much more optimistic about the future and like I have the strength to move forward. It's strange to feel so much energy after dragging butt for over a year. I guess even when I thought I was doing good I was still moving pretty slowly. I feel bad for how much I let slide and how many people I let down over the last year. I also have made some decisions that weren't the best and tried to rush when I needed to just be still. Looking back at the last year I realized how crazy I really was and how impaired my judgement was. I'm so grateful for my friends and family sticking by me and for telling me the truth when I needed to hear it and for being patient and quietly supporting me until my whims changed. It's nice to feel like sanity is slowly returning (although some people may say I've never been completely sane :P)

Monday, May 3

Home Home on the Plains

Well I did it I circled the entire globe and made it safely home. I'm tired today but satisfied. There's nothing quite like getting home after being away and after so long it was very wonderful to be home and in my own bed. It was awesome to be greeted by my family with lots of hugs and a chance to visit and begin to catch up. Today I tackled the pile of mail and began to get things under control. I'm already seeing the benefits of my trip, things that would have overwhelmed me to find or catch up on or I would have avoided I'm tackling with ease and feeling like I'm in control of my life. I have to catch up on some things that I've been avoiding but I have a plan now and I'm moving forward. I needed to get away and grow up.

It's strange I always thought I was a strong independent woman but I'm realizing that I relied on Armin for a lot of support and to take care of things. There was a lot of fear for me in facing life doing it alone but now I know I can handle it. I tackled the pyramids, went on a jungle hike, I've been to the Taj Mahal, searched for Nessie in Scotland and so I've proven to myself that i can be a strong independent woman.

I'll post my Scotland pics and share my adventures soon I'm pretty tired today but just wanted to share my happiness at being home and my excitement for the future.