It's been tough how isolated I'm feeling, I know it's not intentional but it does seem that everyone is busily moving on and forgotten that I'm still fragile underneath the surface and that I'm still struggling to put my life together. The biggest hurt is when people say they can't be here at the house it's just too hard for them and I want to scream but I have to live here and you don't think it's hard. That's why I'm wanting to move, I need to get out of this house. No matter how much I move furniture or rearrange pictures there's still this feeling that he could walk in any moment, I still listen for him to come home, I still see him everywhere. I can take his clothes out of the closet but it's still our closet not mine. Everywhere I turn our past together in this house haunts me and our dreams for the future taunt me. I feel trapped and I want out not that I want to forget him but in order to move on I need a fresh start.
I'm so thankful for the support I have been given and I don't mean to make people feel bad and I don't want pity. I just need to be honest about the isolation and hurt I've been feeling. There is disappointment but there are also steady rocks in my life. I guess this is one of those moments where you find out where you really stand and who your support network is.