So it's been a month again since my last post :( and it's been a month of change. I'm officially unemployed and being a bum at home now. I've flip flopped on about 100 decisions an hour. I now know how a caterpillar feels before it cocoons and becomes a butterfly. My skin doesn't feel like it fits, I tried to pick up my life where it left off, I tried to work around the gap, I tried to go on. The problem is that that isn't my life anymore....it doesn't fit. Is this a bad thing?
Probably not just a difficult time to be my support group. I try to make decisions, but go back and forth trying to decide, and I try new things on for a while to see if they fit. Take for example the last few weeks, one minute I'm going to go to New York, the next it's Mexico and now I'm staying home....sorry for all the confusion. I've even found myself eyeing some different clothing options than I've ever looked at before. Why? I'm trying to figure out who I am on my own. I'm a caterpillar who knows I'm not a caterpillar really inside but what I'm going to be I'm not sure.
So for the next little while I'll be cocooning not the prettiest stage I'm sure....and there may be weird decisions or fashion choices or activities that I try. Please be patient it's tough growing wings, it's tough deciding what you're going to look like, what your life should look like for the next few years and it's tough saying goodbye to a life you liked. At some point it should settle down and then I'll begin testing those wings, taking flight slowly and exploring this new life I've found myself in.
See the metaphor really works well. So this next month is all about making plans for the next 6 ahead are trips, school, a move, a visit from K, and many adventures. I'm scared, and excited and sad all at the same time but I'm going forward and that's all I can ask of myself.
This is also my favorite time of year, the snow is falling, Christmas is ahead of us and now we get to wait, anticipating the arrival of a baby who will change the world. I love Christmas and all the activities that surround it and this year will be a tough one but I'm looking for the good in the season. So if you need someone to go to that craft fair, or go shopping with or to help you decorate or wrap presents or bake cookies....I'm your girl! Give me a call, we'll have fun and make a memory.
Seasons Blessings to all of you