Being sick sucks!

It's been a few days of spinning and I'm ready to get off this ride.  I'm better than I first was and trying to find some optimism but I'm getting tired of my apartment, ichiban, toast and oj...while smelling everyone else bbqing...it should be illegal to taunt sick neighbors with the fab smell of bbq.  My prof's have been very understanding but I have a final on Friday so no matter what I'll be there.  Then Monday is two midterms so I need to get better.  At least I can do my readings and try my best to stay on top of things.  I just want it to go away.  I'm doing some simple exercises and trying to get my balance back.

Labrynthitis

So quite a few years ago I had my first encounter with this and I hoped after so long they were wrong about reoccurrence.  However they were right....grrrr....I've now spent two horrible days trying to stay still and stare at the wall convincing my body that no we are not spinning.  Walking is torture even just to the washroom which is 10 steps away...10 very spinny steps even if I hang on to the wall.  All this spinning has my stomach convinced it needs to purge itself so I'm nauseous all the time.  I have to say this sucks and if it goes on much longer I don't know how I'm going to cope....I can't drive and can barely walk.  However today I am able to focus for short periods on the computer screen and sit upright as long as my head is supported so perhaps there's hope.
When I'm sick I want my Mom or Armin so badly...it's hard being sick knowing there isn't someone around that could come help you.
Yep I'm whining today but this sucks and I hate it.

Changes

Well life keeps going, faster than I'd like.  Sadly this means my little blog has been neglected and I've been feeling guilty about that.  I decided on a new title, I'm no longer just surviving I'm blooming where I've been planted but I know that this phase will be short and I'll be moving again.  Perhaps that's what I've learned the most over the last little while is that change is the only constant in life.  So then my life will always be a metamorphosis a process of adapting to the changes that happen.

I'm doing spring/summer classes which I'm really enjoying but they are incredibly fast paced but this suits me and my learning style even better.  I don't feel overwhelmed at all, I like going fast and longer class time allows me to really dig into the learning.  It's also nice to be using different parts of my brain.  I'm taking human biology, finite math, and religious studies.  The religious studies has been amazing since we started with hinduism.  I finally understand some of the things I saw in India in a way I didn't then.  It's been nice to reflect back on that experience and use it in my studies in a concrete way.

My feet feel itchy again...I want to be traveling but I'm committed to school for a while yet.  However, I am thinking I will take time off between my degree and my masters to travel.  With a B.Ed. I can teach abroad or in Northern Canada for a few years while experiencing someplace new.  I'm not committing to anything yet but I know more travel is in my future.  It's part of my commitment to doing things that make me happy and fulfilled instead of just wishing I wasn't single.

The biggest struggle I face is that I hate being single, I miss being part of a couple.  The little things like always having someone to come home to, talk to, do things with.  The problem is while I'm beginning to feel ready to date...there is a shortage of dateable guys in my life.  Education programs are pretty female dominated and bachelor programs are filled with guys that are just way too young.  I'm realizing that if they're single and close in age...there's a reason they're single.

I've been excited waiting for peanut to arrive but it's still quite a ways off.  Watching my sister and her husband has been so much fun, they are going to be great parents.  There is a little sadness that I am beginning to think this won't be an experience I'll get to have first hand but at least I can be the best aunt ever.

Well this post has rambled a little...if you stuck with all this thanks!  I'll try to post more frequently in the next little while.

Count on Me

I was thinking the other day how far I've come in two years but I can't take all the credit for my journey.  I couldn't have made it without my family and friends.  Then while driving home for easter I was listening to this song and just knew it had to be dedicated to all you wonderful people.  Even when I was at my craziest or saddest there was someone there for me and I will be eternally grateful for that and for not giving up on me.  I may still need a hand but I feel so much stronger and I want to remind you that I'm here for all of you. This also heralds a new name for the blog...don't worry the address will stay the same  and I'm open to suggestions so leave them in the comment field.
most especially.... THANK YOU

Long time no write

Okay I have no excuse for my long absence but it's also a good sign.  I'm getting out and connecting more with people in person, I'm living again and not hiding behind my keyboard.  The semester is done, just a few finals to write that I'm not feeling very stressed about.  On the academic front the big news is that I'll be speaking at my first professional conference.  I'll be presenting my paper on multilingualism at the Sask TESL/ TEAL Sask conference.  This is exciting for me and it's great for my future career path.

My family went for a family vacation on a cruise to the Caribbean.  Everyone went including my Grandma and it was really awesome.  We did the western caribbean so we saw: Grand Cayman Island, Honduras, and Mexico.  It was a 7 day cruise and I had a great blend of busy and relaxing time.  Our whole family went ashore in Grand Cayman and went to the beach together.  In Honduras I went to a cove and swam with the dolphins a lifelong dream of mine.  In Mexico I visited the Xcaret Park which was a mix of zoo, historical park, beach, and horticultural centre.  I really enjoyed the mix of experiences.  On ship I took in all the spa had to offer, swam in the pools, read my book, watched some shows and drank lots of yummy drinks.  Everyone had a great time, got some sun and just relaxed as a family.  It was perfect because you could do what you wanted all day and then we'd all get back together for supper.  The timing was a little hectic because I came back and had to finish 3 final projects in 3 days but I got it done so that's all that matters.

An important date passed while we were away, the 2 year anniversary of Armin's death.  It doesn't feel like it's been two years it feels like 2 millennium have passed since he died.  I'm a lot stronger emotionally than I was but some days I still reach to his side of the bed looking for him.   Last night was one of those nights,  I've been pretty sick this last weekend with a stomach bug and all I wanted was to be held by someone.  It's those little things I miss, the comfort of a touch, his smile, and the having someone next to you at night.  Most days I get by because I don't think about it much, it's like a dream that lingers at the edge of your consciousness.  Other days I close my eyes and try to escape back into that dream but like all dreams there's no way back.  Don't get me wrong I don't hate my life but I do miss the life I had.  Last night I cried and today I laughed and I guess that's what life is and what it ends up meaning.

Once my exam is over tomorrow I think it's time for some craft therapy.