Saturday, January 29

Is this a dream I see before me?

Sometimes it feels like I dreamt my life with Armin, somedays it feels like it almost never happened and then there are days like today when my soul aches missing it's other half. I got amazing news over christmas, I'm going to be an aunt for the first time. Last night I got my first picture of my future niece or nephew hereafter named peanut. It was love at first blurry weird ultrasound picture. I'm so happy for my sister and her husband they are going to be amazing parents to peanut. It just reminded me of what I lost, the path not taken. I'm tired of empty arms, quiet nights and cold regrets. A lot of the time it doesn't hurt like it does today. I don't want people to pity me or think I hate my life. I don't. I genuinely excited to be an aunt. I just miss having someone to share these moments with. I miss having someone that just knows you and is there. I miss curling up on the couch to watch a movie with someone. Crawling into bed after a long day just knowing someone is there. The bed still feels empty, I'm sleeping much better...I guess because empty has become normal but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

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