Christmas prep

Well slowly piece by piece I'm bringing out my Christmas decorations and slowly before my eyes my house is transforming into a winter wonderland. Tonight's task though was the hardest, decorating the tree. A few tears were shed but the tree understood and didn't comment. I thought this would be harder than it was though.

I realized that my Christmas tree is full of memories of people and places long gone. There's the porcelain baby my Aunt Sue made me. The beautiful crochet and starched angels and snowflakes made by my Great Aunts whose fingers no longer produce these art pieces. Every year was marked with an ornament from my mom's parents Grandma and Grandpa Sattler until they were no longer with us. There's the little mice in a nut shell Grandpa Ginther made me before he passed away.

There's ornaments from every place I've visited in the last 9 years, the Millennium Falcon from Disney/MGM, an American flag star from Wisconsin beside the London phone booth ornament, a beautiful star from Versailles. The list goes on and on, looking at it I'm awed by the depth of memory and love a few ornaments can show so that now I'm sitting in the glow of the tree and feeling wrapped in love. While some ornaments were hard to hang, there isn't one I would have left off. Together they make a beautiful tapestry. Soon the sadness will fade from them and they'll bring back good memories and stories.

So if you have time this holiday season come over for hot chocolate and I can tell you some of the stories or we can just sit in the glow of the tree and visit creating new memories. I hope all of your Christmas prep is going well and that you are taking time to enjoy this beautiful season of waiting, memories, friends and family.

Butterfly

Okay to preface this post for those that know me well they know I hate all things that flutter and that includes butterflies....so why you may ask would I be writing a post titled butterfly? Well the metaphor worked so I'm going with it, but this doesn't mean I've revised my opinion of butterflies. I still think their just moths with better publicity and they creep me out in real life.

So it's been a month again since my last post :( and it's been a month of change. I'm officially unemployed and being a bum at home now. I've flip flopped on about 100 decisions an hour. I now know how a caterpillar feels before it cocoons and becomes a butterfly. My skin doesn't feel like it fits, I tried to pick up my life where it left off, I tried to work around the gap, I tried to go on. The problem is that that isn't my life anymore....it doesn't fit. Is this a bad thing?

Probably not just a difficult time to be my support group. I try to make decisions, but go back and forth trying to decide, and I try new things on for a while to see if they fit. Take for example the last few weeks, one minute I'm going to go to New York, the next it's Mexico and now I'm staying home....sorry for all the confusion. I've even found myself eyeing some different clothing options than I've ever looked at before. Why? I'm trying to figure out who I am on my own. I'm a caterpillar who knows I'm not a caterpillar really inside but what I'm going to be I'm not sure.

So for the next little while I'll be cocooning not the prettiest stage I'm sure....and there may be weird decisions or fashion choices or activities that I try. Please be patient it's tough growing wings, it's tough deciding what you're going to look like, what your life should look like for the next few years and it's tough saying goodbye to a life you liked. At some point it should settle down and then I'll begin testing those wings, taking flight slowly and exploring this new life I've found myself in.

See the metaphor really works well. So this next month is all about making plans for the next 6 ahead are trips, school, a move, a visit from K, and many adventures. I'm scared, and excited and sad all at the same time but I'm going forward and that's all I can ask of myself.

This is also my favorite time of year, the snow is falling, Christmas is ahead of us and now we get to wait, anticipating the arrival of a baby who will change the world. I love Christmas and all the activities that surround it and this year will be a tough one but I'm looking for the good in the season. So if you need someone to go to that craft fair, or go shopping with or to help you decorate or wrap presents or bake cookies....I'm your girl! Give me a call, we'll have fun and make a memory.

Seasons Blessings to all of you

Butterfly