Turning over

It's the dying moments of 2010 a chance to look back at the last year and a moment to look forward. It's the moment we make promises to ourselves about things we want to change. It's the season of new journals, day-timers, calendars: all crisp and blank quivering with the anticipation of a year of appointments, to do lists, rants, thoughts and assignments. For me a new semester is about to begin with new professors, challenges and experiences. This is one of my favorite holidays it's about sitting quietly perched on the cusp of something new, a year filled with possibilities, letting yourself look back at the last year filled with snapshots of good times spent with friends and family. Even your regrets seem less when you gaze into the unwritten future. In school we talk a lot about reflection as important to being a good teacher. We write reflection pieces and meta-reflection pieces. New Years is a reflection holiday we celebrate; saying goodbye to the good and bad of last year, make promises about the new year, and for a moment hover in a space where everything seems possible.

So I encourage you to take this moment look back see both the good and bad, make promises about what you'd like to change and just enjoy the possibilities.

Happy New Year!!

You're doing WHAT???

After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager."
- William S. Burroughs

While visiting with lots of people it invariably comes up about my New Year's resolution. I'm excited about it and challenged by it and want to inspire others to make changes in their lives. The biggest question I face is Why? I truly believe our world is doomed if we continue in our current behaviour patterns. The evidence seems clear we are destroying this planet, using up our resources and hurting each other through these patterns. I can't sit by and do nothing. Perhaps my decision seems extreme but it actually seemed to be the least I could do. I know that my small actions won't save the earth and alter the big patterns in place but they can be a place to start. If I make a change and it inspires someone else to make a change over time these changes can add up.

Want some other's viewpoint check out these links:

David Suzuki-Test Tube

WWF-Planet Report

Peace (sort of) on Earth

Well after a musical and fun filled drive to my parents place. Tyb and I have been settling in quite nicely. Smudge my parent's cat and Beamer their dog aren't sure about this new friend but they are all pretty much ignoring one another. The tree is still intact, no property damage was done and non of them hurt each other so it went much better than expected.

I have to say I kind of enjoy driving to and from Regina/Edmonton because I download audiobooks and listen to them while I drive. This time's selection was "The Stupidest Angel" by Christopher Moore. Any christmas book that manages to include wacky characters, zombies, and still makes you feel good about christmas is a great one! I highly recommend it.

I learned how to check my blog's stats and realized that I have readers from all over. The thing that baffles me is I have a high russian readership...I don't know anyone in Russia so I can't figure out who you are. It's cool to see how many people are reading this little blog. I hope that it entertains you and so knowing that there are many of you out there. I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year. Thanks for following my journey and adventures and I look forward to sharing more with you in the coming year.

Winter Crafting

The weather gets colder and I like to spend time inside working on crafts. Lucky me I've met a few people here who are also crafty types and we've been spending time together inspiring each other. I only have two exams and so I've had a lot of free time to work on things. Some of these were also projects for school that I completed. Creativity is encouraged in this program and that makes me happy. Tomorrow though is booked for me to write my take home exam...but if that goes well then I can craft on Sunday otherwise I'm grounded. I've also started to pack things up to head home. I'm excited to see everyone and visit with my friends back home.

The Story of Stuff

The Story of Stuff

This will give you the reason behind my New Year's resolution. I encourage everyone to check this out and take the time to watch this even if you think I'm crazy!

New Year's Resolution

Well this last semester I've been studying the environment and learning a lot about social justice. I want to put what I've been learning into practice and make a change for the better in this world. So I've spent a lot of time thinking about how to do this and I've come up with a plan. This year I'm going to do a consume less year. Similar in idea to a buy nothing day but given the reality of food, toiletries and school supplies I will need to make some purchases. So I've sort of planned this out. I'm posting this early to give people time to comment and help me refine my plan.
1. I will only purchase whole food and try to purchase as much of that in an organic, local grown, fair trade form. I've already signed up for a CSA starting next spring.
2. I will not purchase fast food including frozen meals, pop, chips, chocolate bars. The one exception would be if I'm hosting a party I'm allowed to purchase pop.
3. I will not purchase at convenience stores
4. No more coffee shops except if going as a social outing but I will try to encourage people to come to my place for tea instead.
5. I will limit my toiletry purchases to the essentials, deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, tooth paste and face wash. When possible I will look up alternative greener products using deep clean to guide my purchasing.
5. I will try to make most of my presents for the coming year but if appropriate I won't punish people by not purchasing a real gift for them
6. I know I will be taking a vacation at some point with my family I suspect that week may be a hiatus from these rules.
7. I will be allowed to purchase any school supplies but I will try to purchase used where possible or electronically.
8. Utilities will be maintained; but as I go along I may make decisions to cut back my tv package
9. The hardest will be ebooks and itunes for me...I'm still torn but I'm going to try go without purchasing from them
10. Clothes, Shoes, craft supplies, books, dvds, knicknacks, are all forbidden
11. I will continue to use the bus and my bike for commuting to school and limit my driving, if I'm going to drive I'll try to combine errands into one trip.
12. To use my blog as a place to share how I'm doing and resources I've found to help me.

Why do this? To try to free myself from the chains of consumerism and in some ways try to drop out of the cycle of buying and throwing out. This is going to be hard and I know it. To quote Ghandi I want "to be the change I want to see in the world"

Long Overdue

This post is long overdue, and I really have no good excuse. School has been busy but I still should have posted a few things. So what's been going on?

Assignments have been pouring out of my place and into my prof's eager (perhaps not) hands. I'm finding most of the coursework interesting and not horribly hard. Some are pretty cool and lots of them encourage us to be creative. The thing that is hard is all of the group projects, I've had great groups, okay groups and a few duds. I've come to the theory that group work is like marxism great idea on paper but complete crap in reality because it forgets to take into account the reality of people. The thing I hate is in the one group there are two people who are just not getting it; so me and my friend end up having to do all the work if we're going to get a good mark. So basically the other two get a free ride on our coat tails....and we have to figure out ways to keep them busy, explain what's going on 20 times and keep them out of the really important stuff.

I had a great time for Halloween, I joined my friend Katrina and we took her two girls trick or treating. I also get to join them in a week to ride the Christmas Train which will be fun. I finally got a working oven in my place so Kristine came over and we baked up a storm to break it in, then I played bartender and we sampled some of my fave concoctions which was a blast and I introduced her to one of my new favorite movies Repo! The Genetic Opera. This weekend with the start of advent and because one of our group projects needed christmas lights to help create a midway booth (don't ask) I decorated my place for Christmas and finally shifted the living room furniture into a better layout. I got to meet a great family and spend some time babysitting for them in trade for using their children as the subject for one of my projects. I had a great time! Shannon drove down from 'Toon to spend the day not being Mommy. We had lunch and watched the new Harry Potter movie. It was a lot of fun and the movie was great!

For the most part I've been pretty pleased with my marks and with what I've been learning. Just like in most areas there is a big gap between the idealism of the theory you learn in school and the reality of the work world. It's wonderful to talk about how you can create the perfect educational experience but rarely do we discuss the obstacles that will face a teacher in the classroom. I think that's partly why education has such a high burnout rate; education programs aren't always addressing the reality that will face people. We spend hours talking about social justice education, environmental education and best practices but 80% of what we talk about is probably not easily achieved in a traditional educational setting. It's all well to say that for kids to learn about the environment they need to spend time outdoors as much as possible and that they should be taken out to wild natural spaces but in reality field trips take a lot of time and financial planning. There's the added complication that while it's great to say that you should let your students lead your teaching but in reality there are standardized tests that are provincially mandated that your students have to pass. If your class does badly on these tests you are held responsible as a teacher, to cope most teachers end up doing some degree of teaching to the test. These are obstacles that as a young teacher you have very little control over or ability to change. Wow that was a bit of a rant...sorry to those who aren't educators out there.

I'm really doing well, settling in and slowly building some friendships. I really like Regina but i do miss the people in Edmonton. Next semester I'm looking at hosting a craft night once a week for a few friends which would be fun.

Age is relative

So I've been stressing a little about being "old" and back in school. Worried about the fact I don't fit in with these kids. Worried that my clothes mark me as different. Just plain stupid stuff. Then I went camping with my one class and realized that most of them don't view me as "old" in fact I don't think most of them realize how old I really am. Then today one of my classmates came up to me and told me how much she admired my sense of style and compared me to Penelope Garcia on Criminal Minds. I was floored I don't think of myself as stylish or cool or neat and I love Penelope she's soo cool. This one little compliment helped me reevaluate myself and feel like I can do what I want. With age I guess confidence can come and sometimes it's nice to know yourself well enough to feel great in my own skin. I forget this sometimes, I think everyone does, why do we always sell ourselves short?

I'm smart, motivated, fun, and have a pretty good wardrobe. So why do I think people might not like me? Why do I stress about what I wear?

Sorry no answers today just questions. Sometimes that's all you have.

Camping...Having lots of Fun...Camping

Well I did it! Survived our Environmental Science camping trip. It was the coldest weather I've ever camped in and the wind was insane. I have to say that while there were moments I wanted to come home but I tried to stay positive and in the end I had a good time and was extremely proud of myself. It was great to get away from the city and I always love camping. I also enjoyed getting to know my classmates much better. In some cases ie my tent mates we got very close...because cuddling while sleeping was encouraged as a way to stay warm LOL. We also learned and discussed some interesting topics around food. Sometimes its easy to take for granted food and that what we get is actually good for us. However, that's not always true. We talked about making ethical and nutritional choices. We discussed eating local food, how the global food market hurts small farmers, the changing face of nutrition and about community supported agriculture. We even spent some time gardening on the CSA who let us use their land to camp on. All in all it was a great weekend. I'd been worried about it and it does mean I'm a little behind now on my schoolwork and don't even ask about my housework but I think it was worth it. I would do some things differently and I know I won't be taking little guys out camping but I think every experience is something you can learn from. Plus I have a new toughness level experience for myself.

Classes Rolling along!!

Well I survived the first big round of papers and mid-terms! Marks are trickling back in and so far it looks pretty good, I'm sitting around 90% in most of my classes right now. I'm feeling great about that and glad my hard work is paying off. I need to put a little more attention into my place because it's a mess and I never finished unpacking the craft room. However, that won't happen this weekend because I'll be camping for my environmental education class. We'll be studying about food sustainability on a green ranch. We'll be roughing it no running water, tents, no electronics, fire to cook on and no bathrooms. Thank goodness I've gone roughing it before so I'm prepared for it but I think some of my classmates are not as prepared. While I think camping in late october in canada is a risk it sounds like we'll get lucky with the weather. Hopefully it's a good time for everyone. We went biking yesterday for this class and it was fun. My butt is sore today but it was worth it. A beautiful day, a scavenger hunt and I proved to myself that it's easy to ride to and from school. So while I remain a weather wimp so I'll only be riding on good days but I'm going to work bike commuting into my school schedule. It actually doesn't take me any longer to get to school by bike and then I'll be getting a little more exercise. On bad weather days I'll take the bus and together this keeps my car parked and my lifestyle a little greener.

I had a great thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for! I have two cities to call home and people I care about in both. I am living a great life and achieving some of my dreams. I've reached a place of contentment. I've travelled and seen many things that make me even more grateful for my life. I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving too and that you found things to be thankful for.

School is Hectic but Good

School has been very busy and the assignments just keep piling up and I'm loving every minute of it. I have frustrations with profs, group assignments that never seem to end and a reading list that goes on and on and on but I really do enjoy being back in school. I love studying and learning. While I may not always like the hectic pace I don't think I'd change a thing about my life right now. I thrive in academic settings and quite enjoy it. I just haven't been able to find a church yet but I'll keep looking. I don't have a lot to say right now i think because it's all going into my papers right now. Almost all of my courses ask us to keep reflective journals on what we're learning so I'm cranking out about 10 pages a week in just journal entries. So if my posts are a little sparse I'm sorry. :(

Happy Birthday!!

Well I'm another year more experienced and what a year it has been. I travelled the globe and ended up here in Regina. I started school again after being out of school for years. I've made many new friends and enjoyed lots of time with friends of old. My life is unrecognizable from the life it was a year ago but some things will never change. I've identified what is truly important to me and weeded out the excess. I've reached a point where I am very content with my life. I had a great weekend visit home with my family, and I went to celebrate a dear friends recent wedding and had a great time catching up with longtime friends. It was the perfect way to celebrate my birthday and I got the present I wanted which was a drill. I know it pained Mom to have to buy her daughter a power tool but I love it and have used it already.

My days here are finding a pattern. Mondays and Tuesdays are very long days I'm in class from morning until night but then I have two short days and no classes on Friday. I devote Friday's to running errands and studying. Saturdays I head to the coffee shop for a location change and to get a lot of studying done without the distractions of home, then grocery shopping and cleaning. Sundays I go to church then if my readings are all done I relax doing crafts or reading for fun. It's not very exciting I guess but I'm content and I'm very on top of my readings and schoolwork. I sure like patterns and this works well for me. I've learned so much already and it's amazing to learn how to put into practice the critical theories I studied in my English classes. There's a lot to be said for coming back to school as a "mature" student.

I fell in love today...nope not the cute Johnny Depp barista, although he's good eye candy....my love is my new vacuum! I did the math, I researched and I bought a Dyson. It is well worth it although I almost changed my mind several times but after using it once I think every penny was worth it. My yucky carpet looks better than when I moved in and I love the mini beater head for cleaning the furniture. I think if he'd let me there's even a tool that could clean Tybalt :D but he's worried he'd be bald.

Tybalt is loving all the extra attention and while we miss Adrianna he's become a new cat. He is now quite bossy to me and meows to scold me when he doesn't get his way. He's also a lot more playful but this means his water dish gets dumped at least 3 times a day the upside of this is the bathroom floor is quite clean. When it's nice ie. not raining he sits on the balcony and watches the traffic, people and pigeons below. I'm a little worried he's getting an elevated sense of self but then I remember he's a cat he already thinks he's the top of the world. As long as I keep feeding him, petting him and supply him with toy mice he's happy.

When you need it most...

Let me tell you about my day. I got up bleary eyed and tired because I didn't sleep well last night but had to get downtown by 10am for my hair appointment. Thinking to cheer myself up I put on my lovely new fluevogs and decided to leave early and walk. I made it the 9 blocks to the salon which really isn't that far unless you are wearing new shoes...stupid me. I get in and go to the desk and the girl searches for my appointment...nowhere to be found. But I booked over the internet I said and got a confirmation email. She looks in the email...you booked for Oct. 10th she says showing me my email...I sigh...she kindly looks at the schedule and says well I have an opening at 2pm....I thank her greatly for her kindness in fitting me in. Now I'm downtown, my feet hurt and I have until 2pm...hmmm. No problem I think there's that coffee shop with the awesome tea latte's just go there. So I do I go there order my london fog and find a seat, I sit down and note the table wobbles but no problem I think I'm just getting a drink. They call my drink and I go pick it up, hmmm it's in a travel cup instead of a coffee mug should I grab a lid...nah I'm staying here. I put the drink on the table and go to sit down...somehow in this process I proceed to tilt the entire table which causes my drink to flip in midair and pour all the tea all over me, my new shoes and the floor. I think every lady in the place rushed over with napkins while I stood in stunned silence to help clean me and my stuff off while the barista grabbed the mop. The kind barista remade me another london fog for free which made me throw an extra 3 dollars in the tip jar above what i'd tipped earlier and more effusive thanks. I carefully put a travel lid on this time sat back at my table and proceed to read my ebook and drink my tea. Well that took me an hour still more time to kill. I thought about going to the farmer's market but while walking there found a beautiful park and thought, my feet hurt I'm going to sit here in the sunshine read my book and try to avoid any more catastrophe's today. So there I sat reading in the sunshine and actually quite enjoying myself while I dried out from the tea spill. Suddenly I feel a gaze on me and I look up at a little old man with a cane standing there, he asks is that a book or a computer? I answer a book. Well whatcha reading? We start to chat well actually he chats at me while I smile nod and listen. I learn that we are all descended from the mongolians and those gene things prove it, so inside we're all the same so why can't we get along better. I learn he's hungarian and 89 years old, I learn he had 18 brothers and sisters but only one remains, I learn that he's a great grandfather and proud of all his grandkids. I also learn he's catholic and that it's okay that I'm lutheran his sister married a lutheran and nothing bad came of that. Before leaving he painfully gets up leans on his cane and looks at me and says "The most important thing I've learned is never give up your faith." the he slowly starts to walk away saying goodbye and god bless. As he left I thought about how I needed that message more than ever today and thought maybe I was wrong maybe God does send angels still today when you really need it most. My day went on I had lunch at a cool little place that makes an awesome vegetarian pizza, I got a great haircut from a very nice girl and walked painfully home but none of that really matters just like none of the bad things I've been through matters...as long as I never give up my faith.

Good bye dear friend

It was a sad day today, after being together 10 years lovely Adrianna had to be put down. Two years ago we were a family of 2 humans, 3 cats, 1 dog now it's just Me and Tybalt...sigh I'm beginning to wonder who I angered up there. This goes beyond ridiculous I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of sick melodrama and I'm tired of feeling like all I do is tell people sad sob stories when we talk. I'm tired of crying and saying good bye. I feel really bad like the stress of moving was the cause of her illness and that makes me feel guilty but the vet said this could have happened anyways. I'm going to miss my little mousie but I'm glad she didn't suffer too much and at least I know Armin will take care of her now.

The hard thing is my first week of school was great. I've already met a few people so I feel like I see a few friendly faces as I walk around campus. UofR is small in comparison to the UofA and it's kind of nice that way. My professors have so far been very approachable and good instructors in fact my only complaint might be they do more handholding than I'm used to. Even the readings I've been doing have been interesting...so far most of the stuff is going to need adapting to fit my future goals but knowing where you want to go really helps you while you're studying and working. This is a very different feeling than my first degree where I didn't know what I wanted and it didn't seem applicable to real life.

Home Sweet Home

Tonight the cats and I celebrated, they had some wet food, I had a dream soda and some cheesy dip with nachos, it was wild. What were we celebrating? We are officially unpacked!! A few things need sorting but I'm declaring us moved in. It's a very nice feeling and it is fabulous to be in a new place. So much emotional baggage was left behind and life feels fresh and exciting.

It's a little lonely being in a new place but I've already made some contacts in the local board game community and we're going to go for drinks and I've already been invited to join a poker group. Also I've been up to Saskatoon to visit some friends there and we have plans to get together a lot more. Orientation is on Tuesday and classes start Wednesday so I'll be meeting people there.

I really like my apartment building it's about 15 minutes to anywhere in Regina. I've found a grocery store I like too. I just need to find a good place for chinese delivery and life will be complete. The area I'm in is very multiethnic which is cool I suspect some people would think that was a bad thing but I'm happy with it. There's a very cool coffee shop just a few blocks down, the farmers market is 5 blocks away, and I can't wait to explore the bakery cafe down the street. I'll be going to the university tomorrow to get my textbooks and my student id, hopefully the lineups won't be too bad.

The cats are mixed about this change in their home environment. Tyb has settled in pretty well he misses having room to play but he likes being able to look down on the world and watch cars and people. Adrianna spends a lot of time in hiding and I'm worried about how much weight she's lost but she's started bossing Tyb around and peeing on the bed to prove how mad she is at me so I think she'll be okay.

I've even started crafting now since I'm partcipating in a craft swap on craftster.org that I'm excited about. But since my swap partner might be checking up on me I have to keep the details hush hush so she'll be suprised ;)

So life is pretty good here in Regina it's far from the people I love but it'll be okay!

Too many books blues

It's official I have too many books. Even with two new bookshelves there were still too many books and more boxes of them just keep turning up. So I spent today shifting and weeding, things I thought I wouldn't do after I left the library....I forgot about my own library. There were duplicates, there were books that were Armin's, there were some pretty ratty old romance novels, and hidden there were lots of old friends. I know people don't understand why I keep so many books but they are like friends, only better in some ways. They never let you down, they never dissapoint and they take you places you only imagined. So how can I let them go. I'm also a dedicated rereader if I like a book it'll be read at least once a year. Some of my favorites have been read 100s of times, I never seem to get tired of going back to them. My e-reader means my collection might not be growing too much more but it can't reproduce the awesome old book smell...it's one of my fave scents. It's actually a lot like a drug to me, that smell seems to calm me down, relax me and helps me feel at peace.

Unpacking is going really well slowly things are finding their homes. The living room, kitchen and bathroom are completely done. The bedroom is close I just need to finish putting clothes away and getting them hung up. Then I have permission to work on my craft room...yep I need to bribe myself to do the unpacking. After that I also need to work on hanging pictures on the walls...but that'll take a little longer because some of the stuff I need to put into frames.

I had a good cry today too, I found the hoodies of Armin's I'd kept for myself and they still smell slightly of him. I hugged them close and cried but felt peace. I'm sure I've made the right choice I know it's been hard for my friends and family to watch me move so far away but so far it's good. A lot of heaviness and day to day baggage was lifted when I moved. It's nice to be someplace that's just mine and nice to not be haunted by memories but instead be able to embrace them when I choose. I can better honor his memory this way instead of feeling tied down by it. This is a good thing a very good thing.

Fresh Start

Well it wasn't the easiest move I've ever made but I did it and now I'm beginning the process of settling in. It was a busy week, Wednesday I went out to the Red Piano with my friends for a good bye celebration. Then Thursday I finished all my packing and that evening we loaded up the Uhaul, I spent the night at my sister's place. Friday my brother in law drove the uhaul, I drove my car with the cats and my mom and sister drove mom's car and we caravanned to Regina. It took us a little over 8 hours the cats meowed and whined for 6 of those hours. Thankfully we easily found parking for the van near my apartment. My other sister flew out to join us that night. Thankfully some friends happened to be in Regina this weekend for a graduation so they helped us unload the truck...we even put their small children to work carrying little boxes and things as well as helping push the elevator buttons. I had hired some people to help unfortunately they were sketchy so we kept them downstairs and under supervision, they did get most of the stuff off the truck but my friends and family did a lot of the real work.

Saturday night Mom took us out for dinner to celebrate having finished. I was able to spend that night in my own bed. All things considered it went pretty smoothly and now the cats are slowly settling in. I've been tackling unpacking one room at a time and so far have a useable bedroom, bathroom, living room and I'm working on the kitchen today. I was excited when the sasktel guy came today and quickly got my phone, internet and tv up and running! It really is beginning to feel like home. I have a lot of unpacking yet to do but progress is being made, the cats are enjoying sitting in the windows looking out at the traffic. I'm already finding my way around town, it's pretty easy to find things.

So far I'm feeling really good about this move. I know I'm a long way from home but I really needed this fresh start. I feel a lot lighter being free from the house. Well there are more boxes to unpack and I need to move my car into my new parking stall so I'll post pictures of my new place next time.

Movin' right along

Well packing for moving is well underway I keep telling myself it'll get better but right now it's just chaos around here. The cats are skittish and upset which means they leave presents for me all over. People are coming to pick up things that are going to new homes and I'm finding the back of closets and cupboards I haven't seen since we moved in. I think things are under control but I feel like I don't quite have a handle on everything. Those who have braved the chaos say it looks like I have it all under control so I'll trust that it'll come together on Moving Day.

I had computer problems but they are all fixed now and after a week without it I have my laptop back and I'm so glad. You don't realize how dependent you are on something till you have to make do without it for a while. My whole life is on my laptop, address book, email, books, tv, music, photos, etc.

I did the insane by driving out to Regina and back all in one day just to get my keys to my apartment and scout out the route. I like driving but 16 hours driving in an 18 hour trip taxed even my endurance. I made it safely there and back and only suffered a sun burn. I forgot that with the top down, even on a cloudy day, you don't feel hot but the sun still touches you :D. Oh well it's already healing and only my nose is peeling so far.

My new apartment wasn't quite as nice as I had hoped but it's big and has lots of storage so I can live with the touches of the 70s and the nasty old carpet. It's close to the university and shopping areas so that's positive. It also has a giant balcony which will be nice. I think once I get my furniture in and stuff arranged around it won't feel quite so horrifically dated. I have some rugs to put down to cover the bad carpet, I can put vinyl over the fake wood sliding closet doors and then you won't notice the lovely brass light fixtures. When there's nothing else there that's all you see. The good things are there's lots of natural light, there's an air conditioning unit in the living room, it comes with blinds on all the windows, the storage space is insane, the building and parking areas are very very secure and the building manager is very nice. Those are things you can't really change and well the other stuff you can live with or make small changes to cover or hide them.

Beauty secrets

Okay Lady Godiva I'm not and I'm not a fashion diva but I think I get out the door looking okay and I feel like if you find something awesome you should share, so this post is one big free advertisement :D

I've found this awesome face cleanser, toner, lotion set at L'Octaine. I first discovered this company in Paris (which sounds cool) and now they're in Edmonton at West Edmonton. They make awesome natural products and the new Red Rice Vinegar cleansing stuff is amazing, I've always struggled with acne but this really does clear it up and doesn't dry out my skin. So it looks good and clear. You do need to use all three products for the best results but it's easy to use and worth it.

I've also found this great body moisturizer. Its from the Rocky Mountain Soap Company, and it comes in different formulas and scents. I use the unscented for eczema which does smell of beeswax but that's all. It looks like a deodorant and that makes it easy to apply you put it on and let it melt into your skin, the wax kind of seals the cocoa butter in so it lasts a long long time. I have very sensitive skin and this is the first time something doesn't cause a rash and actually soothes my skin when it's reacting to something else.

Lastly I've found some great new makeup. I splurged and bought mineral makeup from a seller on Etsy. I've been using it for a few days now and I love it!! It's so subtle but really covers well. No one can hardly tell I'm wearing makeup I just look like me but better. It lasts all day without feeling heavy or greasy or gross. The seller I bought from on Etsy even included a little brush set with my stuff. I think I'll end up going back for more eye colours since I like playing with eye colours.

Chocolate while not technically a beauty product just seems to belong here and I've found that it's worth it to buy good chocolate and I eat less and it works better :D So I've started buying the Lindt bars, my favorite is the 70% dark chocolate with caramel. It's really as decadent as it sounds and yet a bar lasts me several days since I just eat a few squares at a time.

Well that's my free advertising but I like these products a lot!

Sold...Again!!

Well it's official this time!! The conditions came off and my house is sold. The new owner takes possession August 27th and I've set my moving date for the 14th of August. I spent this morning arranging utilities shut down the house ones and setting up the apartment. I've been shipping the excess stuff off to friends and family and I'll begin packing soon. After getting some quotes I decided to do this the harder way and solicit any friends and family help to move me and a Uhaul to Regina. Things are starting to come together but it seems like every time 3 things fall into place 6 more need to be done. Deep breaths soon I'll be moved and settling into a new place and hopefully things settle down with it.

To celebrate the sale, I spent the day cleaning :( I even cleaned out all the science projects from the fridge. I need to learn to cook smaller portions or start freezing half, after a while you just can't eat anymore of one thing. I did learn that sauerkraut doesn't mold it just dries out, however tabuleh salad goes really downhill in interesting ways.

Dad is doing much better and is busier now he's at the Glenrose, the staff there really does a great job. He still can't use his one arm for another couple weeks of healing, then the brace will come off and they'll begin getting him strong enough to go home. They got him set up with a one hand driven wheelchair so he's got some mobility and they have lots of recreation activities including a wood class he attends. He still appreciates visitors but at least if someone isn't there he can head down to the tv room and find someone to play crib with.

I've been a little down lately not horrible just lacking motivation, probably some of it's due to the weather which has been rainy and some of it emotional with all the changes but I'm trying to keep busy and find chances to get together with friends before I leave.

Introducing...

HERBERT the hippo! My awesome friends Terry and Kathryn got me a hippo friend and he's a telus hippo :D which makes him even cooler. So I have a new monthly goal to craft Herbert a monthly wardrobe.

I needed something positive today since my sale pretty much fell apart here, they didn't get their financing, they didn't do their inspection and so I'm back to house showing. The hardest part of this was that I could do nothing about this so I just had to sit back and let it happen but it was on and off for the last few days which was even harder than just them saying no.

On the positive side I got the apartment I wanted in Regina so next week I'll be talking to movers and setting up/closing down utilities. I did the google street-view of my new neighborhood, I live on top of a used bookstore, an ethiopian restaurant and the schizophrenia center. I will be a block from a 7 eleven and a 24 hour shoppers drug mart. The bus stop is just outside my door for the bus to the university. So I'm pretty psyched there are also lots of hotels in the downtown core just blocks away so you have a place to stay if you come visit.

I also got my invite to the mature student orientation event which is an evening of dessert and cocktails with a campus tour. I'm excited to go and meet some people and no frisbees or beer in sight. After they tried to put me in dorms i was a little worried that they didn't consider me a mature student but thankfully I am so I can hopefully find a niche and a few new people to meet.

Sold!

Well it's official, the house sold in less than 24 hours. We still have to have the conditions removed which are the buyers financing falling into place and a home inspection. Very normal and it sounds like it should go smoothly. I can't believe what a state I worked myself into over this selling business and then to have it go so easy. Once again I underestimated God, I didn't even think to pray about it and yet he still provided. I don't know why I always forget to give my worries over to him. I really prefer to keep them to myself but he still finds away to work around me and despite me give me what I need.

I'm happy the process went well, I'm happy that I can move on but I'm sad to leave. Now it's time to pack, hire movers, do the paperwork and start a new life in Regina.

Crafty Goodness

Well as promised here's some of the crafty goodness I've been whipping up in the last little while. Sorry this will be picture heavy :D

This little house I made a while ago and it's been hanging out in my living room so some of you lucky folks may have seen it already. It just makes me happy to look at and there's no theme or anything just things I like all hanging out to make a house.

This little girl is my needle felted fairy :) I have some explanations of needle felting coming up with some pics and I'd like you all to note that no fairies were harmed during this photo shoot, the cat was just used for size reference.

This little house was a chance for me to experiment with a colour I don't usually use, which was the point of it, to stretch myself. I'm not completely satisfied with it yet and it really didn't want to photograph well sorry but it'll give you an idea of the piece.

This is a just for fun thing, a shrine to love. It's tin I've painted and glued a bunch of stuff on. I think it's really pretty but I may be biased.

I've been working on Artist Trading Cards and while I haven't quite gotten to actually trading them I've been building up quite a collection of my own and I needed something to keep them in so I took this old coffee tin and I painted and collaged onto it, added a label tag and voila a fancy dancy place for my ATCs to live. The picture on the top is a rubber stamp I bought in Stratford on Avon actually I bought several they are all female shakespeare characters and they are amazing!

Now needle felting, this is my new latest obsession. It's really easy you take raw dyed wool, it's very soft and fluffy, add a sharp barbed needle (very sharp my fingers can prove it). You poke the wool with the needle and it felts, if you poke too far you scream aaahhh dammit as you remove the needle from your finger. In the end you get a fluffy little chicken. I've been learning courtesy of joggles.com which has online classes in all sorts of crafts and has a great selection of craft stuff I love it.

Voila here's the chicky I made. He's perched on the awesome plate Monica gave me for my birthday and he looks pretty cute, although sometimes a little angry I got the eyes shaped funny. Next week's lesson is making a bunny rabbit. The fairy I made I totally made up myself.

The Selling Blues

Well a lot of hard work later and finally I'm ready to list the house...well sort of ready. Emotionally I'm not sure I'm ready but it has to happen. It's very bitter sweet to be bidding farewell to this place. While there's been a lot of sadness this last year, it was our happy home for quite a while. I remember the joy we felt when bought this place, the hopes and dreams we dreamt while we moved in, the memories we made in the following years. There were so many good times, now that's all gone. Leaving this place means leaving behind the good and the bad, moving forward but leaving the past behind. Emotionally I'm feeling very mixed feelings.

I'm also very anxious about the showing the house part. What to do with the kitties, what to do with me, keeping the place in show condition day after day, it makes my head hurt.

Oh well, it has to happen...so if you know anyone who would like a very nice well cared for bungalow with nice neighbors send them my way.

Connecting

Well my cold is just about gone, even the cough isn't too scary sounding, so I've actually been going out in public. Well actually mostly just to the hospital, my Dad is still at the UofA hospital and tomorrow is his surgery date. After finally agreeing to do an MRI they discovered he had torn 3 of the 4 muscles in his shoulder. This solved the "mystery" of why he couldn't move his arm side to side. From the date of surgery it's six weeks before he's supposed to put any weight on it. We're not sure what that means but it most likely means he'll be in the hospital for those 6 weeks since he won't be able to preform his transfers (moving from his chair to bed) so he'll need assistance although he's surprised everyone the last 3 weeks with how much he's been able to do through sheer willpower and adjustments.

I'm choosing to be optimistic about this and in some ways it's easier for me than the rest of my family. He's alive and this is a relatively minor hiccup and they've said it's a full recovery type thing so once he's recovered he can go on with life. To me right now it feels trivial but I know it isn't to him. It's inconvenient that he's stuck in the hospital, it sucks that he and mom had to cancel their holidays, the reminder that he's getting older wasn't really needed but I know he'll recover so I can be positive. I just wish I could share that with the rest of the family who after so many hits this last year and a half are reeling a bit and are very emotional. I don't want to trivialize their feelings because what they feel is important. I think I've hit the dead zone aka my emotional limit because this isn't phasing me too much or maybe I've finally learned to just roll with the punches. I do know that I'm sure it's the fault of someone in the hospital that I caught this cold (boo) but even a cold couldn't stop me.

My next post will have some craft photos I promise since I'm taking some online craft classes and I'm learning some new skills which are just feeding my need to create, but it may be a few days since I'll be at the hospital with mom tomorrow when Dad gets out of surgery and I've promised to take Grandma to visit Dad the next day so she can make sure her "baby" is fine. It's fun watching my Dad get parented.

I received the best inheritance you can ever get, a disk of 400+ pictures from my Grandfather Ginther's side of the family. These negatives were found in a shoe box in the back of a closet in my great aunt's house and one of my cousins took the time to scan them all into the computer and now we're sharing them amongst the whole family. These pictures go back to include baby pictures of my Grandfather, my great Grandparents as a young couple and even a few shots of my previously unknown Great Great Grandparents. It's strange to look through these photos and see people and places I know so well and to notice the things that tie us together. Several shots of the family surrounded by books gave me a thrill, there was proof I'd inherited my love of reading. A shot of my Grandma as a teen laughing with her peers, showed me the vivacious beauty my Grandpa first met. A shot of my grandpa on the tractor as a teen followed by a shot of his desk at home crowded with books reminded me of the things I loved best about him and want included in my life. Looking into the eyes of the Great Grandmother I only knew as an old woman trapped silent by Parkinson's disease and seeing her as a young wife and mother made her even more real to me. So many glimpses into life back then and being able to draw connections to my life now is an amazing gift. Scripture says the fruit of the fathers will be their children and their children's children, I realize that this is true I'm the fruit of all these people I carry bits of them in me. That's amazing to think of I'm sure my ancestors weren't fretting about what I'd turn out to be but I am the person I am today because of the choices they made. Someday I'll get to meet them in Heaven and truly know them but this small glimpse into their lives assures me we'll get along just fine because we're related you know :D

more soapy bubble thoughts

We'll I thought I would avoid cold/flu season but apparently some germs were just waiting for me to get back and settled in before hitting with a vengeance. The worst seems to be over now I'm just coughing and I'm hoping a hot bath will loosen the last of the gunk up. So I thought it's time for some random thoughts from my head.

1. Law and Order: Apparently this show is just the thing the doctor ordered, I've been watching tons of episodes and both the original series and the Special Victims Unit series. I've come to the conclusion I like the SVU cast the best but Lennie Driscoe is the funniest character. Do you watch? Who do you like? It's a lot of fun to watch the really old episodes some haven't aged so well and some are scary ahead of their time. I remember the first time I ever watched an episode. It was first year of uni and my one roommate was having a crisis of what to do when I grow up? After hours of Law and Order he picked Law. I was hooked by then and always fondly remember sitting on the couches at the LSM house eating lunch and watching the show.

2. Is there some law that cold remedies have to taste awful? Seriously they all taste horrible, Buckley's is the worst but at least they are honest about it, the others aren't much better. Even neo citran doesn't taste great, I mean who thought sick people would like hot lemonade flavoured remedies. It's funny because I try to only take remedies at bedtime to help me sleep during the day I self treat with peppermint tea, a spoonful of honey, hot baths, lots of oranges and juice...none of which taste bad and seem to work almost as well. What do you rely on when your sick?

3. More thoughts on wanting what you can't or don't have? Why is it so hard to let go of things. I could save a lot in rent if I could just downsize enough to fit into a 2 bedroom apartment but that would mean letting go of a bunch of stuff. Suddenly I'm reevaluating what I want in the future, do I really need to hang onto a house full of furniture even if I like it. Would my life be better with or without it? Traveling lightly seems a good idea especially considering in 3 years I'll be moving again to who knows where to do my masters. In India I saw how little people truly need to survive and they seemed happy. Yeah you can say they don't know better but really is anyone in North America happier because of their stuff? See I always have lots of questions but no real solutions.

4. Skin hunger...I'd never really heard about this before but this last year I've suffered this. Our society is one that doesn't encourage casual touch between people especially as we become more and more germaphobic. As part of a couple you get used to a certain level of touch in your life, after the death of a spouse I guess you could say you kind of go through a withdrawal period.

5. For the Ladies: I have found the best product ever, I took it with me on my trip and it was amazing. It's a little awkward to share but you need to know about it. It's called the Diva cup and it is a menstrual cup that's reusable. So you never need to buy another tampon or pad again just pay the 20 bucks for this product and you are set for life. It was a lifesaver in places where you can't even flush toilet paper, also it's light to carry and takes up very very little room. I know you're thinking yuck I'd have to wash it, isn't it messy and hard to use. I know you're thinking that cuz I thought that when a good friend told me about this product. I'm here to say it isn't messy, it's easy to use and yes you have to wash it but really it's not gross and if you're in a place where washing it isn't feasible just give it a wipe. Want to know more? Here's a link to the products website: http://www.divacup.com/ I seriously wish I'd heard about this sooner and tried it sooner.

Well these thoughts weren't as light as bubbles but things I've been wanting to share for a while. Enjoy

Drumroll Please....

Well it's officially the end of my contest and we have a winner! I put all your names in a bowl shook it up and picked one...the winner is....Michelle S. ! Congrats!! Thanks for everyone for stoking my ego and responding; it was fun to see how many read my blog and to hear that everyone would tell me if my breath stinks. LOL Tyb and Adrianna were excited to help prepare the prize, they thoroughly inspected it and deemed it a worthy prize!

Today I helped my sister Natalie and her husband Mark move into their new place and it is a beautiful townhouse. I have a little house envy because it's exactly the kind of place I'd like for myself. I'm really pleased for them :D Also, I'm pleased because I came away with a car load of boxes so I can finish cleaning and the last of the packing around here and then actually get unstuck and list this place.

I had a busy weekend visiting with lots of friends which was great! I'm trying to get out more and being more proactive about reaching out to friends with plans to get together. Today I am really tired so I'm relaxing by watching more episodes from season 3 of the muppet show. I adore the muppets and the muppet show is still the funniest thing. It never seems to get old and I can never decide which is my favorite muppet.

I'm sorry officer

Today was a good day, yes we said goodbye to my Great Aunt Rena today but she was remembered very fondly and after 92 years you feel like it's okay to say goodbye for now, we'll miss her but since she'd been in care the last 8 years most of those paralyzed with Parkinson's it was more of a celebration of her life than a sad event. It was nice to visit with my cousins, watch their kids play, tease each other fondly and share remembrances.

Also the weather was beautiful today I put the top down on the car and enjoyed the sunshine. This is the type of day I'm glad I have cruise control. The sun was beating down, the tunes were cranked and I was singing along...and thankfully the cruise control was set. I could've driven for hours and it's just too easy to speed on days like this.

Now I'm sitting in the backyard, sipping iced tea lemonade, watching the kids next door play, with some tunes and debating what to do now. I could clean house (blah), work on the crazy quilt I started yesterday, photograph and post some older projects, veg in front of the tv, go to a movie. Just not sure what to do, maybe I'll just sit here and enjoy the weather and be glad it's not my kid throw the temper tantrum next door :D LOL!

Unfortunatly we got news that will keep my dad in the hospital longer. He needs to have surgery and an MRI so he'll be at the UofA for most of this month we think :( A simple dislocated shoulder seems so much more complicated when your arms are your primary form of motion. I was teasing him that he with his one good arm and the guy on the ward with only one good leg should pair up :D LOL He's actually doing pretty good now but he was pretty sick earlier with an infection which caused all sorts of problems. I know my mom is strong but I can see this wearing on her. So please keep them in your prayers. I feel guilty cuz I'm not working I feel I should be at the hospital visiting but seeing Dad there reminds me so much of his accident and brings so many emotions back so I struggle to go and that's not fair to him. I did earn major Grandma points because I took her with me on Wednesday to visit Dad. Sometimes it's such simple things that bring her such joy but they seem so hard to fit into a busy life.

I've been struggling lately really feeling stuck. I haven't got the house listed yet not because of any major reason just my inability to do the last few things and take the last few steps needed. I realized as much as it pains me to be here alone without Armin it's a bit of a safety net too. As long as I'm here I still have that life, this house holds so many memories. As stupid and illogical as it is to say as long as I'm here there's still that feeling he could walk in any minute and that brings me comfort and torments me at the same time. We were so happy here and selling the house means admitting and closing the door on that. I'm really looking forward to school and excited about the possiblities in Regina but first I have to close the door all the way on a major chapter of my adult life. These last few steps are the hardest for me, they're so important and I need to do them but right now I'm a little stuck. There's been a lot of soggy pillow nights since I've been back. Someone rightly said too that it's also post trip readjustment and that also is true.

Part of me wishes I could just pay someone to do all these last things for me and that I could just jump right into the next steps but I can't skip the emotional work either. Add to this the stress of Dad being in the hospital and I've been a bit of a wreck the last few weeks. I'm proud of myself that I'm able to be honest about this and I've asked a friend for some help with some of these last steps giving me that gentle kick I need to get them done, unfortunately we were supposed to do them today but they were postponed due to the funeral being today. I've also been struggling with a resurgence of my labrythitis so I'm mildly dizzy and nauseous all the time which isn't much fun. Thankfully I've dealt with it before so I know it will pass I just need to be patient and this time is much milder.

This was supposed to be an upbeat yeah for the nice weather post and I can't believe it was snowing last weekend and now I'm outside in shorts and turned into a poor pitiful me post. Life is good, there are some bumps in the road but that doesn't mean the journey isn't fun or bad. Today is a good day a sit in the sun and enjoy the weather kind of day...a just breathe and enjoy the moment kind of day...and aren't those the best kind of days. I'm going ignore the housework it'll be there tomorrow and enjoy this first really summery day no matter what. I hope you get out and enjoy the evening as well.

Prize Time

Aren't you excited? Here it is all finished this evening! I'm a little disappointed that the pieces warped so it doesn't fit quite right back together but all in all it looks pretty good. This was my first and will be my last altered puzzle unless I get paid lots because it's very finicky work and time consuming but I like the quilt effect it ends up with. It was a good way to experiment with new techniques and it pushed me to find ways to keep trying to use the same supplies in different ways. So it was a good experience builder for me.

The star craft supply I used for this project was the Tim Holtz Distress Ink's...wow...they do so much to age and change the appearance of papers. I also got a special book in the mail last week it was my copy of Tim Holtz's book signed to me!!! If you craft I have to say he has some of the most interesting supplies and is one of my top picks when I'm trying to find interesting new products.

I didn't say last post but you have a week to comment to be considered for the draw! Hope you're as excited as I am. I'm going to try to post more of my crafts here on my blog it helps keep me motivated and working on new projects.

Tybalt the flower arranger

Don't you all wish you had a furry flower arranger like mine? This is my goofy kitty who copies me :D If you click on this picture you can see him tasting his creation.

Soapy Thoughts

Tonight I relaxed with a bath; part of my new bedtime routine to help me sort out my sleep patterns and I realized that when I move I will lose my favorite possession my superduper bathtub :( I'm still trying to figure out a way to move it but I think alas it will stay with the house. My thoughts tonight were random and as light as soap bubbles and I thought it was time for a bit of laughter.

Thought #1: Another of my great aunts passed away but my main thought tonight was what to wear to the funeral that my cousins hadn't already seen...then I realized that I had seen more of my cousins this last year than the previous 3 combined....but mostly for sad things so then I started trying to plot out happier occasions we could get together for....which mainly boils down to weddings and baby showers....so then I was trying to figure out who would be next for both of those occasions so I could "pressure" them into moving along on that....hehehehehehe....I love an excuse to match-make and it's fun cuz I'm out of the baby race...

Thought #2: Today I was at the dollar store and my friend extolled the benefits of a tongue scrapper to me....this isn't the first time we've had that discussion....now I'm wondering if this was her subtle way of telling me I had bad breath....now I'm sitting here trying to smell my own breath....and cursing the fact that I don't have A here to just ask....and now wondering who to ask those ridiculous and awkward questions to...I mean really which of my friends or family members gets to be the person I ask the "do I look fat?" or "do I have lettuce in my teeth?" or "does my breath stink?" questions too....still trying to decide who the lucky person is but could someone comment on this post and let me know....Does my breath stink??

Thought #3 I just realized that every-time I take a bath my one cat Tybalt climbs into the sink and sits/lays in there while I'm in the tub which is amusing...then I realized he gets out when I get out of the tub....then I realized he's imitating me....OMG funny....OMG is imitation still the sincerest form of flattery when it's your cat imitating you....and does this mean I take too many baths....also is it weird that it doesn't bother me to have the cat sit in the sink while I take a bath?? Comments welcome to this question too

See no deep thoughts tonight just some light laughs and an encouragement to post a comment. All commenters will be entered into a special prize draw...yep that's right...comment on this post and I will give you a chance to win a prize. Why? Because you were willing to read my thoughts and I'm guessing it isn't the first time and I appreciate my quiet following. It's easy to comment just click on the pencil icon under this post and write away. I love hearing other's thoughts too :D The prize isn't quite finished yet but once it is I'll dig out my camera and take some shots of it and post it for you to see.

Keep Smiling!

Ups and Downs

Well I'm settling back in nicely and well mostly spending my days procrastinating with bouts of packing and painting. I have my courses all lined up for the fall term and got the great news that I will only be doing 3 years to finish my B.Ed in Early Childhood Education. Now I'm beginning to look for a place to rent in Regina and figure out things for moving.

Selling the house is bittersweet but necessary. It sort of mocks me with memories of happier times and it seems that everything decided to break this last year because now the dryer gave out and I'll be replacing it. So now my goal in selling is to make back all that I've had to spend on the dumb house, luckily it's not a race to sell situation so I can set my price and wait for it to sell. Although for a buyer this place is good since I've put a lot of work into it and things have been fixed. However, it's been home for so long it's hard to imagine being somewhere else. The constant chaos is really disturbing the cats and being cats they let you know in kind of gross ways.

I've been catching up on my favorite TV shows and for someone who gave up TV for a couple of years I'm enjoying several shows. Dr. Who is off to another great start for a season, and I love Glee, Big Bang Theory and How I Met your Mother. For some reason I'm really into mystery programs right now Law and Order, Bones, NCIS, bring it on if there's a dead body. I'm eagerly awaiting the next season of True Blood and Tudors. This TV watching has shown me that I like nerdy guys...who do I have crushes on? The new Doctor, Leonard, Will Schuster, Indiana Jones, etc. forget the bad boy this girl likes a guy with brains....although I'm realistic enough to know that these are just actors and I don't have a chance but hey may as well enjoy what you watch.

Sleep seems to be elusive, at least at decent hours but I'm working on it. Hopefully cutting out all caffinated beverages and my no sleep in policy will help. Also I'm not allowed to blog at late night anymore because I become quite the negative nelly. There's so much to be thankful for and I need to focus on that instead of dwelling on small annoyances and at 3am the small annoyances turn into giant mountains of negativity.

Sleep well!

Old Cow Syndrome

I suffer from Old Cow Syndrome and I'm sure I'm not alone. What is it? Well it's another way of saying the grass is greener on the other side. It's a real struggle, when I was married I envied my single friends their freedom to pick up and go and thought about how it would be nice to be able to go to school and travel if I wanted. Well now I get to live that life and now I'm looking back over the fence thinking of how nice it was on the other side. I mean really how perverse are we as human beings no matter what we have it seems it's hard to be content.

It isn't just marriage, this is the part of us that says you need a new pair of shoes, that keeps us buying new cars, new tech, and new clothes. It is so prevalent that consumer culture is built on it and it's not unique to North America, we just are financially able to take it to all new extremes. I mean the other day I was filling out a survey and listed under hobbies was Shopping. When did shopping become a hobby? I suspect if you looked at my life you might think shopping is one of my hobbies.

How do you fight this tendency? Do we need to? Is it sinful? I have lots of questions but no answers.

Things I want to do

Right now I want to go dancing, but it's hard to do that alone....sigh....and apparently my friends are all too grown up. I want to know who makes these rules and why I haven't apparently gotten the memo. Other things I miss, getting together with friends on a friday night to just hang out maybe play games but apparently once you've found your s.o. you don't do that anymore. Really?? I remember having a s.o. and hanging out. I miss sending out an email to go to a movie and piling a bunch of people into a car and going, sure beats going alone. I miss going to concerts with a group of people, last concert I went to I took my parents...I know...PATHETIC but at least they were willing to go out...so who's really the pathetic one.

I'm learning how much it sucks to be single in a group of couples. Maybe it's good I'm going away to school cuz right now I just really beginning to resent my friends. It's not their fault apparently they're too grown up for fun activities. At least in Regina I won't expect them to actually do things with me. So what should I do? Well I go to the movies alone, I'm booking tickets to the concerts I'm interested in and screw it if no one goes with me then fine, but dancing is harder but maybe I'll go by myself. I don't care if that means I'm not a grown up being a grown up is no fun.

If I don't do it alone, I'll be doing what I've been doing for the past year sitting home alone, sending out invites that people are too busy or grown up or tired to accept and getting more and more upset about my isolation.

This is a little bitter sounding and maybe that's because I was thinking tonight how much fun it would be to celebrate my birthday (a little late) by getting dressed up, getting a great group of people together and going out for a few drinks and some dancing. Then I realized that I'd be lucky to get a few of my siblings to show up and they kind of have to since they're family (although I know they enjoy going out with me and so that's why they're there) so I decided not to bother. Easier to not bother than be disappointed yet again, I want to see the good in my friends and not be upset with them. They are good people and have stuck by me for a long time and they have big hearts. The hurt I feel is my own and I can't blame them for being busy with their lives and families. I'm sure there were many times Armin and I did the same, it's easy to get busy and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be home with your loved ones. I just remember the fun we used to have but time moves on and I guess that means letting go of some things even if you're not ready for it.

Pollyanna-ist

Why is it a bad thing to be a Pollyanna? Why is it considered good to complain about things but if you choose to be positive you are considered a freak or accused of being in-genuine?

The truth is that most of the time I do see the good in things. It's raining that's a good thing, why complain about something the earth needs and will pass away if you wait. I trip or stumble well I just choose to laugh about my clumsiness. I deal with a difficult person I try to keep perspective it's one person out of the thousands I interact with each week and I think I don't know why they're negative. Sometimes I do play the "glad game" and search for new ways to think of things that might be considered negative. I figure it's better to look for a bright side then just complain about the negative.

This last year this has been a blessing. No it wasn't good that Armin died but I choose to be positive and I choose to be thankful and look for the blessings that have come to me out of this tragedy and out of our life together. It's important to note that word CHOOSE everyday I have a choice do I wallow in misery or get up and look for the good this new day brings.

This also applies to my faith I could curse God for what has happened or I can choose to praise God for the good that is in my life and for his continued strength and blessings he pours out on me. I was reminded of this in the song "Blessed be your Name" which came on while I was driving home. For worship I'm pretty traditional but I like praise and worship music while I drive. I'm including the lyrics but the phrase that resonated with me tonight was "you give and take away and still I choose to say blessed be your name". It inspired me to encourage you to look for the positive and see the blessings to CHOOSE to be different. Join me and the other Pollyanna's we're not being fake- we are happy and we do see things differently and it's a good place to be. Make Monday your glad day and choose positivity, it's contagious, you'll see.

Blessed Be Your Name

 In the land that is plentiful 

Where Your streams of abundance flow 

Blessed be Your name  

Blessed Be Your name 

When I'm found in the desert place 

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name  

Every blessing 

You pour out 

I'll turn back to praise 

When the darkness closes in, 

Lord Still I will say  

Blessed be the name of the Lord

 Blessed be Your name

 Blessed be the name of the Lord 

Blessed be Your glorious name  

Blessed be Your name 

When the sun's shining down on me 

When the world's 'all as it should be'

 Blessed be Your name  

Blessed be Your name 

On the road marked with suffering 

Though there's pain in the offering 

Blessed be Your name     

 You give and take away 

You give and take away 

My heart will choose to say 

Lord, blessed be Your name