I'm learning how much it sucks to be single in a group of couples. Maybe it's good I'm going away to school cuz right now I just really beginning to resent my friends. It's not their fault apparently they're too grown up for fun activities. At least in Regina I won't expect them to actually do things with me. So what should I do? Well I go to the movies alone, I'm booking tickets to the concerts I'm interested in and screw it if no one goes with me then fine, but dancing is harder but maybe I'll go by myself. I don't care if that means I'm not a grown up being a grown up is no fun.
If I don't do it alone, I'll be doing what I've been doing for the past year sitting home alone, sending out invites that people are too busy or grown up or tired to accept and getting more and more upset about my isolation.
This is a little bitter sounding and maybe that's because I was thinking tonight how much fun it would be to celebrate my birthday (a little late) by getting dressed up, getting a great group of people together and going out for a few drinks and some dancing. Then I realized that I'd be lucky to get a few of my siblings to show up and they kind of have to since they're family (although I know they enjoy going out with me and so that's why they're there) so I decided not to bother. Easier to not bother than be disappointed yet again, I want to see the good in my friends and not be upset with them. They are good people and have stuck by me for a long time and they have big hearts. The hurt I feel is my own and I can't blame them for being busy with their lives and families. I'm sure there were many times Armin and I did the same, it's easy to get busy and there's nothing wrong with wanting to be home with your loved ones. I just remember the fun we used to have but time moves on and I guess that means letting go of some things even if you're not ready for it.