When did life stop being fun? It seems like endless rounds of work, house cleaning, have to dos and brief catch up with friends who have become strangers. Don't get me wrong I love my job a lot. My friends are great people they just happen to be very busy parents living a very different life than me. The housework I could do without but that would be gross.
What's missing is the fun. The friday night go out for drinks and dancing. The excuse to get dressed up. The adventure of not being sure where you might end up. Of who you might meet.
How do you reclaim that? is it something that gets lost when you get older? maybe this is why I run away or get itchy feet? What is it that I'm looking for?
Sometimes I just want to feel something that isn't just nostalgia. That butterflies in the tummy feeling. The I can't wait to get there feeling. The I'm special to someone special feeling.
It's worse tonight because I opened the box I shared some of my writing and in doing so opened the door to memories and questions. It was a good experience sharing my writing and there is not as much pain in sharing the memories there are lots of good feelings. The pain comes in realizing how empty my life now is. I can fill it with work, studies, classes, family and friends but there is still an emptiness. I'd love to find a special someone but I must say dating in the internet age is difficult. It is discouraging and demoralizing. Somehow you feel judged and rejected and no one even sent you a message. well it is super late (Bad me) so I'll write more about dating adventures next time.